The Toad Summoner Summons
by Tama Saga
Summary: A silly one-shot. And all it takes is to swap Rias' and Sona's job title. Ah, but it wouldn't be Naruto without some toads and a girl to save. Add some "lived for a long time" to the mix, puree, and add the disclaimer that no toads were harmed in the making of this story. It's the recipe for a god-like Naruto story that defies tradition.


**Oneshot**

I came, I saw, I had fun, then I left with a friend.  
\- Naruto

-o-o-o-

* * *

Disclaimer 1: I don't own Naruto or HSDxD. They are owned by Masashi Kishimoto and Ichiei Ishibumi respectively. I am borrowing their characters and their settings without their permission to tell a story.  
Disclaimer 2: No toads were harmed in the making of this story.

Disclaimer 3: This story is not Betaed. If anyone wants to volunteer to beta this story, even though its been posted. Feel free to let me know. You don't have to worry about spelling and grammar, you just need to point out where it's difficult to follow as well as contribute ideas to make it better.

The following warnings apply:  
**Oddball Intro - **A somewhat random introduction that's silly, but introduces a few facts about Naruto in this story.  
**Idiot Naruto -** Foolish and stupid moments galore.  
**Man of Steel -** Think Superman.  
**Long-Lived Naruto -** Naruto's extreme strength comes from living an extremely long time.  
**Curbstomp -** One-sided battles can occur.  
**Fantastic Abilities -** Naruto uses skills not found in the manga/anime.  
**Toads -** A heavier utilization of toads diminishes the need for other ninja skills.  
**Cursing -** Curse words will appear. Words such as f**k, and bullsh*t.  
**Realism **\- Attempts to adhere to the explicitly-stated natural laws of the canon universes. i.e. You won't find Naruto spontaneously using the Byakugan, Sharingan, Rinnegan, Mokuton, and Super Saiyan level 3. It's true that, in canon, Uchiha genetics would somehow make this possible...but Naruto is NOT an Uchiha.  
**No Artificial Nerfs** \- I don't use finger-quotes to equalize the sides. Naruto isn't going to catch a cold which will make him unable to fight properly. Nor will he encounter some ironclad "unbreakable" contract. Should he meet such a contract, he will not give up and say "the only way to stop it is to beat up the guy responsible for that rule." Instead, he will find a way to break it, and then go ahead and beat up the guy responsible.  
**Artistic **\- Canon rules have a measure of ambiguity. This ambiguity can be interpreted to fit the story for plot or mood.  
**Chained Events** \- The plot is based around a cascade of events. Events in the middle cannot possibly happen without a preceding event making it happen.  
**Immature behavior** \- Also known as "boys will be boys." Basically Naruto's going to flip skirts, except in a more grown-up way (like covering girls in slime)  
**Light Novel style - **Attempts to induce a casual reading format by concentrating on the story while reducing descriptive details / separating long sentences.  
**Not a Badass Naruto** \- Naruto does take grief. His kill count is also going to be very low.  
**Explained, not shown** \- Rather than poorly drawing out and choreographing a curb stomp, reasons for important moments in a fight are given instead.  
**Noodle Incident -** To avoid reusing material, certain battle sequences are fast-forwarded and left up to the reader to decide what happened.  
**Comedic - **Despite some characters dying, this story is going to be amusing rather than serious.  
**Serious **\- Despite an attempt to be humorous, this isn't a parody. It's a serious attempt at story-telling. In other words, corners were not cut for self-gratification purposes.

-o-o-o-

* * *

Five people stared contemplatively at the cackling fire. Well, four people. The fifth one was busy stirring an ornate golden pot while adding spices and other seasonings to the bubbling stew.

"So this is it, huh?"

"Yeah."

"Tomorrow..."

"...Yeah."

"I've gotta say, Maou-chan did a good job this time around."

"Hahaha, thanks!"

"...that was sarcasm if you couldn't tell."

"So...anyone have any idea how we will get across the chasm?"

"If only our MAGIC USER could do something about it..."

"What's everyone staring at me for?"

"Master of a thousand spells and not one of them is fly or levitation?"

Hey man, attack magic is where it's at, yo. None of those sissy spells are going to kill the demon lord. If you want him dead, you go with the nice and deadly Vaporize. Which I'll gladly cast at the castle if you would just let...

"No, there will be no nuking my home on my watch."

"Shut up, yo! Hey, whose bright idea was it to let the Maou travel with us anyway?"

"He can cook..."

"...and he can actually stop those godforsakenly strong minions of his..."

"...Toads..."

"I mean, why are we even here in the first place, yo? Everytime we meet his lieutenants, we lose. And we meet them everytime we see a jelly in the field. Ever since you became a Maou, we haven't been able to kill anything. Isn't that the basis of levelling?"

"Says the level 9970 sorcerer."

"Shut up level 9968 knight!"

"Admit it, you're getting stronger even though you're losing."

"No I'm not!"

"So you're willing to give up, finally?"

"Fuck no yo, have you seen how much those two could drink? They're your lieutenants, you pay off their tab."

"Why do you think I'm the Maou in the first place?"

"Is it because your minions run up huge tabs before running off without paying?"

"Exactly!"

"Why are people even upset about that?"

"It's just the restaurant owners."

"What does that...nevermind. I don't want to know."

"Ah hey, there's another awesome thing about being the Maou."

"Is it as lame as the other 521 things that you've come up with?"

"They're not lame!"

Normally this would devolve into an argument where Naruto tries to argue that they're not lame and the sorceror pointing out how stupid these ideas were. Today, the sorceror had a 'I don't want to deal with this' look on his face. It had been like that for the last hundred or so points because, quite frankly, the Maou happened to be a stubborn mule-headed jerk that absolutely refused to give in.

"Whatever, just say it, yo."

"Number 522, the perks."

"Perks now?"

"Didn't he say yesterday that the he became a Maou because he could field a huge army?"

"That was yesterday, this is today."

"Just pick one and stick with it, yo."

"I can't! They're all good reasons."

"They all suck!"

"Says you!"

"I do! They suck, they suck, they suck!"

"They do not suck! They're all awesome!"

"Bullshit!"

"Oh! I just thought of another awesome reason."

"Number 523?"

"It's going to suck, yo."

"I became a Maou so that I can find hapless heroes like you to do my bidding for me. HAHAHA."

"That's it, die!"

"Stop stop! Have you forgotten why we need to go to the castle in the first place?"

"It's utter bullshit. No one builds a castle just so that they can weaken themselves. No one, yo!"

"Ahem!"

"You're a freaking idiot! Because it'd be more fair? How are you so strong anyway, yo?!"

"Eh? You just need to live a bunch of years."

"A bunch? I've seen you do things that require way more than 'just a bunch of years.'"

"It's not much."

"I'm not praising you, you bastard!"

"You're not? Then you'll praise me if I find a way across?"

"No, I'll praise you if you let us free and find another set of heroes to leech off of. "

"I'm not leeching!"

"...He can cook."

"So wait, why are we looking for ways to cross the chasm anyway? Shouldn't there be a bridge?"

"It's gone."

"Why?"

Everyone turned to look at the blond-haired blue-eyed Maou who was starting to stand up.

"Ah..." Yeah, that answered the question. It was his fault somehow.

Not like Naruto cared. "Hey. Dinner's ready. I'm going to disappear a bit. It's time for a bath. The volcanoes around here make great hot springs."

"...so, in short. He's travelling with us because..."

"...We can't get rid of him."

"...Goddammit, yo. He pisses me off! One fireball, that's all I ask."

"...Don't, he'll enjoy it."

"..."

"Hey, are you crying?"

"This is...goddammit! I hate his guts but this is delicious, yo!"

"...He can cook."

The heroes were resting before the assault on the castle the next day.

-o-o-o-

* * *

**\- Yesterday -**

Rias stopped slouching forward in her seat as she straightened up with a loud sigh.

And then she grabbed two large bunches of her luxurious crimson hair. With a sharp tug, "Ahhhhhh!" and a loud scream, she attempted to vent her stress.

"Ufufufu," a raven haired girl sitting across from her chuckled.

"Akeno! The paperwork isn't ending!" The stressed girl complained as she eyed the large stack of papers taunting her. It had been two hours already and there was still a sizeable quantity of documents to look through and approve. Worse yet, it was a Sunday, a day when everyone should be relaxing. Of all days, why did the teachers volunteer to come in today to finish up some work?

At this point, one must be wondering what was going on.

This was not the normal world of High School DxD. In a nutshell, Rias decided to one-up her rival, Sona Sitri, one day. Through some backdeals and such that were perfectly acceptable to devilkind, and no small amount of luck, she ended up outmanuevering her opponent and becoming the Student Council President. Akeno, as her second-in-command ended up as the Student Council Vice President.

"Kaichou, we've finally finished sorting through the contents of the suggestion box," Kiba announced from his seat. Sitting beside him, Koneko gave a firm nod of agreement.

"Tell me something good, quick." the frazzled girl demanded.

"The number of letters expressing well-wishes, admiration, and gratitude have gone up since yesterday," Kiba dutifully reported as he pointed to a sizeable stack of letters.

"That's...nice," Rias said with a smile. It was always nice to receive praise for doing your job. "I'm assuming that the other pile is the list of suggestions?"

"That's correct." "Yes."

At the sound of agreement from both her treasurer and general manager, Rias' chair made a scratching noise as she stood up and stretched. "Let me take a look."

Before she could take a step, a teacher appeared in the doorway.

"Rias-Kaichou. Could we borrow Kiba-kun for a moment? There are a lot of things to move around and it would help us greatly if we could enlist a boy for assistance."

"Kiba? Would you be willing to help?"

"Yes, of course." Kiba amiably agreed as he stood up from his spot. "Koneko, would you mind taking over?"

At the Nekoshou's nod, he was soon out the door.

"Now then!" Rias announced with a clap of her hands, declaring a renewal of activity.

Koneko quickly scooted aside to make room when the student council president arrived. After smoothing her skirt, Rias took a seat. She picked up the first suggestion.

"Mm...hmm...good idea."

She picked up another...

"Yes."

...and another.

"Oooo, this might work..."

In a span of minutes, Rias had browsed through most of the pile.

"It's so nice how our fellow students take their role so seriously. Koneko, are you responsible for this candy request?"

The petite white-haired girl immediately shook her head in denial.

"Oh? Well, that would be a shame then. I was thinking of implementing this suggestion if my precious treasurer was the sponsor."

"Ah." Realizing her mistake, Koneko immediately leaned in to affectionately cuddle against her King a slight pleading look on her face. As she happily pat the smaller girl's head, Rias spotted a small pile of suggestions that her Rook had been bodily shielding from view moments ago.

"Hmm? What are these?"

"Ah!" Koneko immediately broke away and tried to cover the letters again, but the damage had already been done.

"Koneko?"

"Dangerous."

"Dangerous? Why is that?" Rias asked before her hand swiftly shot and she swiped a letter out from under her rook.

"Nn." Koneko immediately reached for the letter to take it back, but Rias already had it open.

"..."

"Wait...What are these?!"

For her part, Koneko looked away with a slightly guilty look on their face.

"Is something the matter, Rias?"

"Akeno, when did we have a ninja research club?"

"It's one of the newer clubs formed this year. I had assumed that you allowed it out of pity when you personally denied the boys' initial idea...wasn't it the Female Peeping club?"

"..."

"What does it say?"

The ninja research club is asking for permission to bring in a guest speaker.

"And your answer?"

"Denied."

"Ara? Are you going to turn them down?"

"May I? Please?"

"Who was it, during their acceptance speech, that said that all clubs have the freedom to express themselves?"

"But this adds to the paperwork!"

Before Akeno could respond, Kiba burst into the room. He looked a bit frantic.

"Kaichou. I'm sorry, but..."

"Kiba? What's the matter?"

"Remember those missing forms?"

A horrified look appeared on Rias face.

"No..."

Kiba had an apologetic look on his face as he continued.

"I just found them..."

Rias immediately turned to the vice president.

"Akeno, when are we presenting the budget?"

"Ara ara? Was it...the day after tomorrow?"

Rias looked slightly relieved. But her relief was short-lived. Koneko had a calendar in her hand with a certain date circled in bright red.

"Tomorrow."

"Noo. No no no!"

"Rias, didn't you have something that you needed done tonight?"

"It doesn't matter! We're not going to be able to go home if this isn't done. Everyone, as your king, I beg you to pitch in and help!"

"Roger!"

Tears streamed down her face as she picked up a pen and diligently returned to her work.

Unfortunately, she really was forgetting something. And it wasn't the latest anime or manga like she was led to believe. It was something far more serious.

Like say...having her familiar hand out flyers. Or ordering Koneko to keep watch on a potential new recruit.

-o-o-o-

* * *

It was the next day when she realized her mistake.

"Rias. Do you have a moment?"

The aforementioned girl with crimson tresses stopped and turned toward the black-haired girls that had approached her. One of them was her very own queen, Akeno. The other was a bespectacled girl with short hair.

"Sona?" Rias greeted the girl with short-hair with a cheery grin. "Where's Tsubaki?"

"I'm having her keep watch." The girl with glasses gestured toward a nearby hallway.

"Oooh. Is this what they call, a backdoor deal?"

Sona gave a sidewards glance at Rias before returning her view to the front.

"I suppose you could call it as such."

Rias quickly gestured for Akeno to stand guard with Tsubaki before the two heiresses quickly relocated to an unused classroom hidden in a quieter corridor.

Rias was the first to start.

"So then, let me guess. You want the Student Council President position, right?"

"I'll pass," the bespectacled girl responded with a wry smirk. "The Magical Girl Research Club keeps me busy enough."

"Are you sure? I recall someone boasting of her intentions to lead the school three years ago," Rias prodded with a coy smirk while not so subtly reminding the other of her greatest failure.

Unfortunately, Sona did not seem to be in the mood for even a little teasing.

"Rias, this is no time for games."

"Y-Yes. Of course."

The relaxed grin on Rias' face disappeared as an air of seriousness surrounded her. Unfortunately, all attempts to look the part were dispelled by the look of confusion dancing in her eyes as she waited for her rival to broach the subject.

Only...

Sona let out a heavy sigh. "It really looks like you haven't heard."

"I...haven't?"

"Last night, a boy was found dead in front of a fountain in a nearby park. Since he is a student of this school, I had assumed that you were already aware and on your way to notify the appropriate parties."

"I'm afraid that I haven't," Rias said with a perplexed frown. "Once I find out more, I'll take care of it immediately."

"Rias. There's more."

"There's more? Couldn't I just look it up from the official reports?"

Sona shook her head.

"He bled to death from a large hole in his stomach. That's what you will find. However, a closer investigation revealed a faint magic signature similar to that of a Fallen Angel's holy magic in the stab wound."

Rias immediately turned a pale white.

"What was the student's name?"

"Hyoudou, I believe. Issei Hyoudou."

"A-Akenoooo!"

-o-o-o-

* * *

o-o-o-o-o

Rias listlessly poked at a pen laying flat on her desk.

Time was running out and she had lost the opportunity to add a potential member to her peerage.

The others in the room could only shuffle restlessly as her moping showed no signs of ending anytime soon.

-Cough.-

All eyes turned to the one who had interrupted the moment with a fake cough.

"Rias, we never finished our conversation from earlier."

"..." Rias stopped rolling the pen and raised her head to give her childhood friend a slightly exasperated look. As if to say that she did not appreciate having her moment ruined.

Undeterred, Sona pressed on. "I wish to borrow your peerage members. Specifically your knight and your rook."

The crimson haired girl let out a sigh and sat up, a business-like expression once again appearing on her face. Being a scion of a prestigious family as well as the student council president had given her lots of opportunity to practice. "Why? What do you need Kiba and Koneko for?"

"As you are well aware, the fallen angels are becoming quite bold within our territory..." There was a momentary pause, but it was easy to tell that Sona was referring to the latest incident involving one Hyoudou Issei. "...I wish to show them the error of their ways."

Rias leaned back in her chair as she contemplated her next course of action. Sona wanted to deal with the Fallen Angel problem.

"...Do you want Akeno as well?"

"I did consider including her," Sona casually admitted, "her presence would make a useful trump card, but from what I have gleaned on our opponents I believe that borrowing just those two pieces from your peerage should be plenty."

"I see."

Unspoken was that Sona decided not to take Akeno because it looked like Rias had her own problems to deal with. Namely, she couldn't handle the Student Council business alone. It was an accurate assessment considering how, in her distraction, Rias had dropped the ball with Hyoudou Issei. He was a piece that both girls had desired, Rias moreso because she had no misgivings about the boy's pervyness. She even called it cute. But now he was lost to both of them.

Normally, the very idea of retaliation would be discarded immediately. Especially for those in positions of nobility like Rias and Sona. There was an ongoing ceasefire between the three parties: Devils, Fallen Angels, and Angels. While the death of a human was unfortunate, it was just a human and thus easily ignorable. However, it could be considered an act of war if the Fallen Angels had attacked either of the heiresses or a member of their peerage. The converse held true as well. Which is why Rias' response was not normal.

"Yes. Okay, go ahead. Kiba, Koneko, I want you two to partake in Sona's operation tonight. Please give it your utmost and come back safe."

"Understood, Kaichou" ..."

While Kiba's reply was immediate, Koneko opted to give a silent yet determined nod.

"Sona, make them pay."

"Of course."

-o-o-o-

* * *

Rias' confidence in Sona stemmed from her many years of playing chess against her childhood friend.

Her victory in the student council elections was a total fluke. In the years that she had played against her, Rias victories could be counted on one hand. It wasnt because she was weak, it was because Sona was too strong. In addition to possessing a wicked mind for strategy, As well as the silver tongue inherent in a scion of nobility, Sona also had the keen ability to adapt her plans on the fly when the situation became unfavorable. Barring acts of god, Sona could be counted on to pull this off without starting a war.

And right now, it was afterschool when Sona left with her hunting party. By this time, the sky had turned a blood red from the setting sun.

While each of them patrolled their own designated route, the fallen were interrupted in their mission when a pair of devils came up to them and proceeded to escort them to a certain park.

Sona stood in the middle of the park, waiting.

When all four fallen had been gathered, Sona began asking questions. What happened yesterday, who was responsible, etc.

It was just casual conversation.

Finding this pointless, the fallen tried to leave. Only to discover that the surrounding devils refused to allow such an action.

Things started to become heated.

"Let us go."

"Answer the questions."

"I said let us go."

"Answer the questions. We will use force if you do not comply."

Raynare had to scoff at that. "As if you could. Don't you get it? You are from a prestigious family. Do you really want to be known as the one that reignited the war?" She took a step forward in a menacing manner. While she was slightly confused over the devils brazenness today, there was a wicked grin on her face. She still held the cards after all. The other three Fallen warily watched from their positions behind her.

Standing in front of the Fallen, Sona used one hand to adjust her glasses. Perhaps it was by chance, or maybe not. But when she shifted it ever so slightly on her face, the reddish sunlight from above caught on the lens flashing the four fallen angels before her.

"I think you misunderstand..."

"...don't give me that platitude that you're just here to have a pleasant chat."

"...No. Your assumption is correct, I AM here to exterminate a pest in my territory."

"What?! But the war."

Despite Raynare's threatening pose, Sona confidently stood her ground. "You appear to be under the mistaken impression that someone will find out what happened here tonight."

Raynare started to back away, wary of the devils confidence.

"...but that's only if anyone finds out that you were in our territory to begin with."

"...No!"

Raynare was in denial. But Sona calmly continued to explain. "I have already taken care of the other steps, all that is left are a few loose ends."

As the sun disappeared and twilight set in, a barrier shot up, surrounding them, casting the entire world in a dark-reddish hue.

The Fallen Angels realized that they were in trouble.

"Please keep me entertained."

-o-o-o-

* * *

_Meanwhile...back at the school..._

"Do you think Kiba and Koneko will be enough? Do we need to be there as well?"

"We need to finish this patrol first."

Rias let out a long sigh.

"Ara? Haven't you heard? When you sigh, you sigh away your luck?

Rias let out another sigh.

"It's not like my luck can get any worse..."

"Next is...is this room for the Occult Research Club?"

"Yes."

Rias had a wry grin on her face. If she hadn't become the Student Council President, this was what she would have called her club.

Raising a hand, she gave a tentative knock on the closed door.

She frowned when no one answered. It was obvious that were students inside as you could hear activity in the background.

She prepared to knock again when she paused.

She quickly looked over to Akeno who gave her an answering nod in return. She had felt it as well.

The two immediately burst into the room right as a magic circle drawn in the center of the room started to glow...

"Madame President?!"

"Akeno, we need Kiba and Koneko here immediately."

Rias immediately realized her mistake when Akeno gave her a look.

This could be bad...

By the time she thought to break the circle, it was already too late as a cloud of smoke erupted from the circle and filled the room.

o-o-o-o-o

"Cough cough. Is it time to go on another adventure, Aniki?"

"Who said that?!"

"The circle. There's something in the circle!"

"Really?! Then we, we did it!"

"Yay!"

-PATCHI-

High fives all around.

The two devils were far less enthusiastic.

"We're too late."

"Ara ara..."

"Cough cough. Hey, what the hell's with this smoke, Aniki?!"

There was a dull thud when whatever was captured in the circle tried to leave its boundaries only to crash into an invisible wall.

"What the hell is this?!"

The smoke finally cleared. When it did, the celebration ceased because there, standing in the middle of the circle...

Was an orangish-red amphibian about the size of a fist.

"Hey! Lemme out!"

"Kyaaaah"

"It's a talking frog!"

"Excuse me?! I'm a toad!"

"Everyone, please stay calm. Akeno, help me out here."

"Someone get rid of it."

"You do it! Summoning something was your idea!"

"No way! Gross gross!"

"Ara ara. It looks like you have everything well in hand already."

"Akeno!"

"Just kidding~"

"Hey! I said lemme out!"

"Shut up and wait your turn, frog!"

"I'm a toad! And what do you mean wait my turn?!

"Okay done!"

The club members were now asleep.

"...I mean...go back from wherever you came from."

With that, a ball of red light left her hand.

And the toad...it performed quite an amazing dodge.

"What the hell are you doing?!"

Amazingly, the toad was outside of the circle when he shouted this. In the scant moments that it took for him to realize that he was free from that barrier, it took the other two scant moments to realize that the circle had been broken as a result of the spell miss.

Both girls standing before him started to collect sinisterly glowing balls of light in the palm of each hand.

"Oh...f**k." The toad summed up his situation with a few choice words.

**BOOM. BOOM BOOM BOOM.**

"Did we get him?!"

"Hah! Never underestimate the power of a ninja toad!"

"Over there!"

**BOOM.**

"Hey!" The toad called out, letting them know its position.

"It's still alive!"

**BOOM BOOM BOOM.**

"Stop that!"

"First to hit it?"

"You're on."

**BOOM BOOM BOOM.**

"I said stop!"

"How is it so fast?!"

**BOOM BOOM!**

"Stop or else!"

"Keep shooting!"

**BOOM BOOM BOOM.**

"That's it, I'm gonna sic Aniki on you."

The toad wasn't the only one that was starting to lose it.

"Okay, this is getting annoying!"

"How is it dodging everything?!"

**BOOM!**

"Rias!" "Akeno!"

Rias was the first to give the order. "Destroy the room. We can't let it escape."

"Understood. I leave the paperwork to you."

"What?! Nooo! Wait! I take that back!"

"It's heading for the door!"

"Stop it!"

**BOOM! BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM!**

"...I think we got it."

"...Rias. The room..."

"...Nooo..."

_**"Gyaku Kuchiyose no Jutsu!"**_

-o-o-o-

* * *

"It-It's still alive?!"

The jutsu gave away the fact that the toad was still alive and kicking. Thankfully for the toad, smoke had filled the room once again making visibility difficult.

"Where is it?!"

"Cough cough. I can't see. There's too much smoke!"

"Wait! There's something else here!"

When the smoke disappeared, a butt-naked guy was sitting in the middle of the circle with a towel folded above his head. His skin was currently a bright healthy red, nearly the color of cooked lobster.

. . .

. . .

Akeno was the first to break the silence.

"Ara ara, how cute."

And then the action resumed.

"Goddammit G99! Haven't I told you a million times already that you can only reverse summon me in an emergency?!"

"But Aniki..." the small toad whined.

That was when Naruto finally noticed the violently glowing red and black balls held by the two closest girls. One happened to be a buxom noblewoman with tresses of the most brilliant crimson. The other an elegant lady with silky raven hair that shimmered like the moon at midnight. Neither of them looked happy.

"It is an emergency, huh?" he deadpanned.

"Yeah."

Like their appearances would suggest, the chaotic energy balls in each girls' possession were most likely ready to kill at a moment's notice.

He smoothly stood up, casually pulling the towel off of his head and wrapping it around his waist.

Then he glowered down at the two ladies, both of whom met his challenging stare with a look of defiance.

Before they did anything rash, however, his stern look broke into a smile. "Ladies, ladies, I apologize for all the trouble that Gamatatsu the ninety-ninth has caused you."

"Who are you?"

Instead of meandering toward it, Rias took the direct route.

Naruto was glad to oblige.

"Who am I? Who am I?! WHO AM I?! WHOOO AAAAM-"

Naruto had to stop there as both ladies had adopted a harsh expression that practically said, 'Get on with it before we kill you.'

Without further ado, he started his introduction and, once again, the room was filled with smoke. The smoke trick was getting old fast.

When the smoke finally cleared, the coughing inhabitants were greeted to the sight of a toad that towered over them.

Google eyes stared down at them expressionlessly.

That was when a voice sounded from behind the toad. It had a remarkably tight quality to it, as if the owner was being squished against a wall.

"You know, maybe it wasn't such a good idea to summon such a large toad inside such a small room."

"Duh."

"Shut...up."

There was another puff of smoke and more coughing.

When the smoke cleared, the giant toad was gone and the blond man was standing proudly on top of the sance table that had been pushed to the side of the room. Gamatatsu the 99th stood on his shoulder, mirroring the proud look.

"Okay then! Listen up! I am a hero from an age long past. Women love me and Men fear me. I am Mt. Myoboku-Gama's Holy Master Sennin, the super awesome Naru-"

And, in a stroke of ill-timing, Naruto's towel slipped off.

Twin explosions marked both girls' immediate response.

"Ah jeez! No one ever listens to the intro," Naruto grumbled as he flipped off the table, seizing his towel along the way.

"You call that an introduction?!"

"And you! Call it manly! Call it handsome! If I were a lesser man, calling it cute would have been a critical hit!"

"Ara, but compared to what you find on the internet, you are on the small side."

"Bullshit! Those are photoshopped! Photoshopped! And it gets larger! "

"Larger you say? Does that mean that you aren't aroused? In front of beauties like us? Do you...bat for the other team?"

"Fuck No!"

"Much as your bantering amuses me, Akeno, please remember we have that extra stack of work sitting in the office and we can't afford to waste anymore time.

"Do forgive me, Rias. I haven't been eéntertained like this in quite some time."

And then the explosions continued where they left off.

"Hey hey, aren't you taking this a bit too far."

"Please return from whence you came."

"That's not returning me, that's removing me altogether."

"Is that so? Then, please die whoever you are."

Only...none of their spells were hitting. In a crowded room, it was an amazing feat.

"Akeno, you need to work on your aim."

"The same can be said to you."

Naruto had had enough.

"Hey, you know? If you're not going to call me by my real name, there is another option..."

At the same time, Rias had a realization.

"Wait. Hold on for a moment Akeno. Maybe it's not our aim. I think this human might be as fast as Kiba. I want to recruit him."

"Oh?"

While the two were planning, a wind seemed to kick up around Naruto as he coolly ignored the events in the background. "Those that don't know me also call me..."

The two stopped throwing magical bullets while Rias happily turned to the blond guy clad in a towel.

That was, unfortunately, also the same moment when Naruto made his move.

Rias' happy gaze slowly turned blank as Naruto slowly stood up and stretched from his spot right next to her. There were a pair of thumps as both girls collapsed, unconscious. They'll be out for a while.

". . .The badass Maou."

". . ."

The room had fallen silent.

". . ."

"Bullshit! Everyone calls you the "Half-baked" Maou."

"Shut up G99."

"Now what Aniki?"

"Dunno. We should head back I guess."

He paused before he completed the first hand seal.

"Hmm...wait. I sense someone...someone familiar."

"...I'm going to check it out. But first..."

Quickly placing the two girls that had attacked him into a compromising position, Naruto snapped a photo before he practically teleported from the room.

-o-o-o-

* * *

A blue-eyed girl with blonde-hair styled into twintails staggered forward while clutching a broken wing. Her gothic lolita clothing was full of holes due to all of the battle damage that it had been exposed to.

Ah...she knew coming to Japan was a bad idea. This was all that Bitch's fault.

At first everything was going great.

Mittelt had to admit, begrudgingly, that the bitch had good supply ability. When they arrived, they already had a base and followers willing to serve.

Then they find out that they were on devil's turf. No problem, just step lightly.

A few sacred gear holders were eliminated for the threat that they represented.

And then...this? Like, what the fuck!

They were supposed to beat the devils. Not the reverse. When that barrier went up locking them inside, things went bad immediately.

Dohnaseek was first. Stupid battle maniac.

This was soon followed by Kalawarner.

It was only luck that she held out for this long. Considering what a fucking coward their leader was, it was obvious who was going to be next though.

Mittelt was forced to stop when someone blocked her way.

She had been surrounded.

So this was it. She couldn't help but curse her situation. Even if she could break out of the enclosure, there wasn't much she could do with that barrier. Not alone.

"Help..." It was heartfelt, a small desperate cry for aid. But she knew within that no one was going to come. Not for a fallen angel.

_"Dynamic Entry!"_

And then the sky suddenly cleared up as the dome-like barrier surrounding the area shattered into pieces like glass.

Right as this happened, Saji had a foot embed itself into his face. He was promptly launched into a nearby wall, hitting it with a solid smack before he bonelessly collapsed.

While outside interference had been planned for, the devils had not been expecting this.

"Saji!"

"What's happening?!"

"The barrier!"

"Stop the fallen from escaping!"

"Call Buchou! Let her know that there's an intruder!"

"Get the barrier back up!"

"Forget the barrier! Fan out. Surround the Fallen, don't let it escape. Wait until Buchou arrives."

The devil hunting party was in disarray at the unexpected intervention. However, they were aware that plans could fail at any moment so they recovered fairly admirably.

Even if this Fallen could escape without the barrier, right now she couldn't fly. With an unknown in the area, surrounding her with everyone was probably the safest strategy for the five remaining devils.

Oddly, even though he was being surrounded, the newcomer didn't show any signs of being threatened.

Unconcerned with the events going on around him, Naruto had hoisted Mittelt's small body into the air and was twirling her around.

To the point that she was dazed and confused from all the spinning. Finally...he set her down on the ground and lifted up the backside of her gothic lolita skirt. Not only did he expose a pair of lacy, but surprisingly conservative, black panties, he also saw something tiny but telling.

"So I was right. It's you! Hahaha, so lucky! Any longer and this would have disappeared."

Normally, Mittelt would be pressing her skirt down with one hand while murdering the guy responsible with the other. Using a light spear.

But all of that spinning from earlier had disoriented her.

"Y-You freaking pervert! I'll..."

Funnily enough, even while stumbling around in a daze, her mouth was still working just fine.

When the world finally stopped spinning, Mittelt finally turned to face the guy next to her. By this point, the devils had tensed because a light spear had formed in her hand.

Only, Mittelt didn't shove it in.

"Haaaaaa?!"

Her mouth had fallen open and the light spear dropped from limp fingers. The pink barbed spear dissipated into motes of light as it faded from existence.

Spiky blond hair, sky blue eyes, whisker marks...

"It can't be! You! You're supposed to be dead!"

She cried as she pointed at him with the same expression as one would possess upon seeing a ghost.

"What?! Don't go killing me off when I haven't died yet! The last time I saw you I was alive and well, thank you very much!"

"The last time you saw me was a thousand years ago! Newsflash for you! No fucking mortal lives that long!"

A leer immediately graced Naruto's face only to become crestfallen a moment later, "a thousand years to mature and you're still as disappointing as ever."

A shocked and outraged look appeared on the petite cosplaying blond's face as she hurriedly covered her chest. "That that...never point out a lady's age!" she cried out while reforming her light spear. She promptly hurled it at the spiky-haired blond.

There was a shout of "watch out!" from one of the devils, but it looked like Naruto was too slow to react.

The pink barbed spear pierced his heart, leaving a gaping hole as it exited out the other side.

Flecks of blood flew from his mouth as he half-coughed half-gasped in pain.

Unable to remain standing, he fell to his knees before ungracefully flopping facefirst onto the earth. Blood started pooling on the ground from the fatal wound in his chest.

"E-Eh?! I-I got him?! I got him! Yes! He's finally gone! Ahahahahaha!"

-Paf-

A large hand landed on her small shoulder.

"Looks like you really are getting old Mittelt-chan. Have you forgotten already?"

And then the Naruto that had been stabbed and bleeding out disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"...Fuuuuuck!"

She bent forward, one wing rising into the air while the other barely gave a twitch while fire raced down her back. It was broken, it had been broken. But she didn't care how much pain it was causing her or how useless it would be. She had to get away from here.

And that was when the perfectly healthy Naruto reeled in the petite girl and lifted her into the air with a bear-hug.

Mittelt let out a howl of pain when the jerking motions caused her broken wing to bend the wrong way.

"Hmm?"

"You fucking idiot! That huuuurts!"

Naruto set her down carefully, an abashed expression on his face. "But I was just saying hi after a long time of not seeing you."

"I don't want to see you! Go die already!"

Instead of complying, Naruto had placed one hand on the girl's head while his other hand started to spin her around.

Spin. spin. spin.

"S-Stop that! What are you doing?!"

"Looking at you."

Despite her anger, a somewhat bashful expression appeared on her face.

"W-Why?!"

"You don't look that different. I mean, your wings are black now. Mm...but it looks like thats the only thing that changed. I mean, seriously, do something about your chest already! Haven't you tried padding them yet?"

Before the blond girl could reply...Raynare blasted past.

She was being chased by Tsubaki and Tomoe.

This moment also marked the arrival of the field leader, Sona.

"Kiba. Patrol the area. Search for and turn away any bystanders. Momo, follow him and make preparations to restore the barrier."

"Yes." "Understood"

"What is the situation here?" she demanded.

"He's just standing there...playing?"

"Playing?" Sona asked as an eyebrow rose.

"Let me go!" Mittelt shrieked.

"Hahahaha, missed me!"

The newcomer was avoiding the furious stabs from a Fallen Angel's light spears.

"Well, he's not worried."

Sona gave the two a studying look before she fearlessly stepped forward and entered the encirclement.

Sensing the newcomer and realizing that it was the leader, Mittelt turned around to throw the spear at the interloper.

Before it left her fingers, Naruto had reached over and slapped her hand, causing the spear to go wildly off target. Grabbing the protesting girl in another hug, he looked over at the newcomer.

As the two stared at each other, Sona suddenly waved her hand.

"Sleep."

Naruto let out a massive yawn, but nothing else happened.

"So? What'd you want?"

Sona had to frown when her spell failed. "Who are you?"

"Who am I? Who...you know what, I don't feel like getting attacked. Just call me Naruto."

"Smart move," came a muffled voice.

"Shut up," Naruto reflexively muttered.

Except for Mittelt, who tensed slightly, no one else had heard the voice, so to them it looked like the guy was a tad unhinged. It would seem to fit his profile considering he was messing around with a Fallen.

Sona's eyes flickered over to Mittelt. A quick note of how Naruto seemed to have a firm grasp on the struggling girl, and not the other way around, led to her next statement.

"Naruto-san...I ask that you hand over the Fallen."

"Just Naruto. And...uh, gimme a moment."

"Certainly. Reya, go help Momo. Koneko, Tsubasa, take over the patrol and have Kiba assist in bringing the other Fallen back. We need her inside before we can bring the barrier back up. Also, someone go wake up Saji."

"But..."

"Go."

It's true that she was sending everyone away, leaving no one to guard her, however Sona was adamant in her command.

"Now's our chance!"

Sensing the opportunity, the petite fallen angel tried to break away. Only, she remained anchored firmly in place by the much larger guy steadily holding her arm.

"Hang on. I have a question."

"What?! I'm trying to escape here. Go away!"

"Not until I get an answer."

"No way, it's going to be a stupid question."

"It's not stupid."

"I don't care, let me go!"

"No!"

"Let me go!" Mittelt slashed her light spear in a wide arc with an angry growl.

"Missed!"

"God damn it!"

Hahaha, Try again!

"Just let me go! Please!"

"No way!"

"I said please!"

"You didn't mean it."

"Of course I didn't!"

"There, see!"

"Grrr."

"..."

"..."

"What's your question? And so help me, if it's stupid I'll..."

"What's a Fallen?"

"...Please tell me that was a joke."

"That was a joke."

"Thank god."

"So, what's a Fallen?"

"But...you just said that you were joking!"

"Because you wanted me to tell you that I was joking! Now what's a Fallen?"

"Please tell me you're joking!"

"Do I look like I'm joking?"

"..."

"..."

"You look like a buffoon."

"Dammit, I'm not asking you about my appearance."

"And I'm telling you to do something about it!"

"What?!"

"You're fucking ugly. Go get plastic surgery or something. Or better yet, die!"

"Wow, you're being harsh today..."

"Can you blame me? I'm about to die to devils of all things? That's like getting covered in mud. Having your stupid ass here to watch? That's like getting thrown into a vat of shit and pissed on."

The world suddenly took on a pale red appearance as a dome rose over everyone's head.

"Great, the fucking barrier is back up again. Look, just go away. Let me die in peace."

"Isn't this the part where you use me as a shield?"

"And then what? If you haven't realized, that barrier is blocking the only way out. I don't know how it broke before but it's not happening again."

"Uhh huh."

"So go away!"

"Why?"

"Didn't I tell you? I'd rather die than have you watch."

"You're going to die either way."

"Look I was trying to be nice! If it pleases you so much, J-Just stand in the way of the attacks until you die. Okay!"

"Ah, that's more like you."

"What's with that?!"

"I mean, Micchan? Being nice? Woah, look look! I got goosebumps!"

"You bastard!"

Paf...

Naruto's hand had fallen onto the small girl's head. He gave her head a vigorous rub eliciting an outraged squeak. But he flashed the glaring girl a confident grin. "But don't worry, I'll protect ya."

By this time, explosions had started to light the sky again as random light spears flew about, exploding everywhere.

"Buchou!"

The other devils had returned...

...With one more; a girl with feathered wings like Mittelts. Sensing a safe zone, she alighted behind the pair of blonds.

"Hey, help me!"

Naruto had stopped arguing with Mittelt to look at the other newcomer before turning back. "...and I'm telli-"

"Didn't you hear me? I ordered you to 'help!'"

"No," Mittelt venomously shot back.

"Hmm?" Naruto gave the newcomer a second look before he turned back to Mittelt. "Someone that you know?"

Mittelt casually shook her head, "never seen her before in my life."

"You bitch!"

Naruto turned to the newcomer a third time.

"So, seeing how neither of us know you, isn't it polite to introduce yourself first?"

"This isn't the time for that!"

His demand was rudely rebuffed.

"No, it's the perfect time for this."

But Naruto was undeterred. The frustrated girl quickly pointed to the surrounding devils.

"Can't you see the situation here? Has anyone ever called you an idiot before?"

"All the time," Mittelt helpfully supplied.

"Oi! Micchan!"

"Stop calling me that already! My name is Mittelt!"

The assembled devils could only stare at this strange event.

"Tsubaki, he seems human, right?"

"Yes. I get the same feeling."

"So why is a human facing down a Fallen Angel."

"Could it be a Sacred Gear?"

"Do you recognize the wielder?"

"No, I'm afraid not."

As the argument progressed, Raynare's rage grew. Finally, it peaked.

"Just die you worthless monkey."

Instead of taking the spear head on, Naruto slipped around it before seizing her arm. With a twirl and a flourish, he promptly shoulder threw the Fallen Angel toward the devils.

The devils immediately converged on her. Raynare, desperate, fought like a cornered animal and soon managed to drag herself back into the blond man's area of protection.

Naruto just had an infuriating grin on his face. "So then..."

"..."

Upon seeing how easily he had handled the black-winged angel moments ago, those present had to reconsider the newcomer's power level.

"Fine. Raynare. Fallen Angel. Happy?"

I...guess. You have black wings like Mittelt-chan here. Does that mean she's a fallen angel too?

She pinned him with a look that was basically saying, 'are you an idiot'?

"Hey, I just got here. How was I supposed to know?" He turned towards Mittelt. "So yeah, Micchan, what's a Fall-...oh."

Mittelt had both hands on her hip, an angry look in her eyes.

"Yeah. Oh."

It was obvious that if she ever survived this, she was never going to let him live it down.

"I have another question then."

"It's going to be stupid, isn't it?"

"Why do you keep calling my questions stupid?"

"...Because they...nevermind. Just ask.

"Alright, so what'd you do?"

"What a stupid...wait. What the hell?! I should be asking that. What did YOU do?"

"Eh...huh, you're right. Let's see...uhh...hmm..."

"..."

"...I've got nothing. It might be your fault this time."

"Bullshit!"

"Ah, excuse me."

Sona finally stepped forward again.

"What?"

"May I ask that you step away from both of those Fallen, please?"

"And who are you?"

"Sona Sitri of the Sitri house. Except for Koneko and Kiba, these are my peerage members."

"Ah, pleased to meet you."

"Likewise."

"So why did you want these two."

"Ah, that is because..."

"They're going to murder us!" Mittelt cut in.

"What? No!" Sona immediately denied.

"Oh? And I suppose the magic and swords are just for show?" Raynare snidely added.

Kiba tried to play peacemaker. "Well...no...but there is a reason for this."

Naruto was interested. "Hmm? What sort of reason."

"They killed a human in our territory," Sona defended.

"Mm...is that so?"

"You don't sound convinced," Sona observed.

"Yeah uh, I wasn't here to see it so I don't really know who's telling the truth."

"But aren't you human?"

"Yes." "No!"

"..." The conflicting answers added confusion.

Naruto glared at Mittelt. "Micchan! I am!"

"And like I keep telling you, if you ever manage to prove it I'll grant you one favor."

"Little sister?"

"I'd rather die."

"Then what's the point of proving it?"

"How should I know?! You're the one that keeps bringing it up! Isn't it an honor not to be considered human?"

...

"Does that mean that you side with the Fallen Angels?" Sona finally asked.

"Mm...no."

"Then..."

"...Ah, sorry, but I already promised Mittelt-chan that I would protect her. So I'm not going to hand her over."

"...You don't understand, they need to die."

"Why?"

"Otherwise, a war will break out."

"War?" Naruto raised an eyebrow. "As in, two sides fighting each other and people dying for a cause?"

"Yes?" That was such a simple explanation that it was barely acceptable. Sona barely gave it a passing score.

"...Hey, Micchan, are you sure you didn't do anything?"

"How many wars have you started since I last saw you?" Mittelt retorted, to which the devils tensed.

"Less than 50. I swear. And it wasnt my fault, I just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time." Naruto defended.

"Pfft, yeah right." Mittelt wasnt convinced.

"Be that as it may...this matter has nothing to do with you. Please stay out of it, Sona stepped in with a warning before the argument between the two blonds could escalate.

"Normally. I would agree, but it looks like Micchan is in danger right now."

"I'm afraid that if you can't hand over the Fallen, we will have to resort to force."

"Is that a threat?" Naruto asked with narrowed eyes.

Sona gave a firm nod.

Naruto crossed his arms and stood up proudly. "Do your worst then."

"You would face us even when you are outnumbered?"

"Even if it kills me, a promise is a promise."

"Momo, Reya, Tsubaki!"

"Sleep!"

A magic circle formed under the trio before it became a pillar of light reaching for the sky. In theory, with four magic-using devils powering it, the spell should be strong enough to easily put down a low-level fallen angels.

It didn't work too well in practice.

When the pillar disappeared, the blond man just stood there with a large grin.

A shield? Some sort of protection? An immunity?

It must have been some sort of protection since the Fallen hadn't been affected either.

Sona frowned and issued a mental command.

Kiba and Tomoe immediately shot over, one from in front and the other trying to flank from behind.

She had asked for the two knights to test his defenses and fall back.

Naruto was already moving. By the time everyone managed to comprehend what happened, he had used a sweep kick to trip Tomoe and send her keeling-forward and off-balance. Grabbing the stumbling girl, he took advantage of her forward momentum to shove her towards Kiba.

The blond swordsman was forced to abandon his sword as he caught the girl. The two were sent tumbling a fair distance away.

That was when the rocks started flying.

Very big rocks.

Naruto was actually somewhat surprised to find a boulder the size of a minivan coming his way.

And then he had a large grin on his face as he promptly bumped it back toward the thrower.

It was demented, it was stupid, but he was soon playing an odd game of volleyball with the petite white-haired girl.

Eyebrows were raised at this display of strength. The thing was, no one could sense magic being used. Was it disguised, or was this natural strength?

"Just who is this guy?!"

It was when Naruto was sending the incoming boulder back; thats when the devils collectively attacked.

A magic circle lit up under them. This time it was one that was far more lethal than a simple sleep spell.

At the same time, another girl had picked up a tree.

Naruto was preparing to leave the circle with the angels when a pair of knights shot by to keep them caged in. They were much faster this time.

The tree hit the center of the area.

And then the world exploded, shredding the tree and blasting its fragments everywhere.

When the smoke cleared, Naruto had a singed appearance but otherwise looked unharmed. It seemed like Mittelt and Raynare were untouched.

However, before he had a chance to say something cool, a massive boulder plowed into the dirt right beside him inducing a minor tremor.

Everyone's gaze turned to the white-haired girl who was landing lightly on her feet after performing a leaping spike on the boulder.

With an emotionless expression, she pulled up a sleeve and flexed her bicep.

"I win."

A vein on Naruto's forehead popped out as he scowled.

The other devils gazes returned to the blond man. He came out of that with nary a scratch. They had to further revise his danger level upward. Sona herself was starting to worry. Out of sight from the others, she started to rub a small piece of paper with a magic circle.

"I take it if we tried that again, the same thing would happen?"

"Yup. Well, minus the losing part." He added that last part while sending a glare to the white-haired girl. Her response was to give him a beckoning gesture as if to say, 'bring it.'

"Hmm..."

By this time, Naruto had proven to be strong enough to hold his own even when outnumbered.

"What are you doing? Get rid of them!" Seeing this, the Raynare pushed for an end to this charade, and an end to their enemies.

"Yeah!" Mittelt seconded.

"May I make a suggestion?" Sona interjected before the Fallen could goad the blond man into launching a counteroffensive.

Naruto shrugged. "I...guess?"

"...how about a game of chess?"

"..." That was a surprising suggestion. No one knew what to say.

"After attacking me and demanding that I hand over these two, you're asking for a game of chess?" Naruto finally asked.

Sona nervously shifted. "It...is strange, isn't it?"

Naruto shook his head. "Ah no, I've seen it happen before. Usually reinforcements are called in while the game goes on."

"Is...that so?" Sona hummed innocently. It was the best she could do to hide her surprise. She hadn't expected him to nail the reason on the first hit.

"But yeah, let's go. You have a board right?"

"Yes."

From out of nowhere, Sona produced a wooden chessboard. Was it created by magic?

"What?!" Both fallen angels were outraged.

Mittelt immediately tried to explain it in simple terms for the Neanderthal to understand.

"Are you nuts?! You just explained why! She's waiting for reinforcements to arrive!"

Naruto turned toward Sona. "Is that why?"

"Of course not, I just wanted to talk."

"Ah, okay." He turned to the Fallen. "See! Its just for conversation."

"Idiot!" Mittelt cried.

Sona had to hide her grin.

o-o-o-o-o

"You lost," Mittelt crowed.

She wasn't in a good mood. The devils had them boxed in. While the evil beings weren't planning to make a move because of Naruto, they weren't going to let the Fallen just leave either. And since Naruto made no move to assist in their escape, Mittelt could only grumpily stand there. She was quick to find fault with whatever she could get away with. In this case, Naruto losing a game of chess.

Naruto sheepishly rubbed the back of his head. "Ah...yeah...I did."

The diminutive fallen angel pressed on. "Four moves."

"Shut up. I held back." Naruto bit back.

"Four moves." She repeated.

"I said shut up!" Naruto hotly replied. "You! Sona right? I demand a rematch!"

"Certainly." Sona added as she started to set up her side of the board.

o-o-o-o-o

It was in the middle of the third game that Naruto said it...

"Hey, Micchan, I'll make you the queen."

"I don't want it."

The reason why she said that was because the queen had been surrounded by Sona's pieces.

"Aww, don't be like that," Naruto said with a grin.

"I said that I don't want it."

"Mm...fine. Then you'll be the queen." Naruto said, acceding to Mittelt's wishes before looking at his opponent.

Sona just looked up before returning her gaze to the board. "Do whatever you wish."

What followed was a surprisingly fun battle where Naruto sent an entire army to save the queen.

o-o-o-o-o

Naruto sat back after the third game. "Hey, I've been curious about something."

"...?"

"Seeing how this girl," he made a quick gesture toward the smaller Fallen Angel to which she responded by drawing a finger across her throat with a scowl, "is way older than she looks, I was wondering if you were in the millenia as well."

"...no." Sona finally answered.

"Thought so, centuries, right?"

"No."

"Was that too low? Then..."

"Too high! What the hell do you take us for?" Tsubasa shot back.

Naruto tried guessing again. "Eh...uh, decades?"

The harsh scowls made him look away.

"...I uh...you know. I think we should drop this right here."

"...17," Sona finally replied while pushing up her glasses.

"...eh? Huh? No way!"

"I assure you, I am 17."

"That's uh...wow." Naruto turned to the small white-haired girl with golden eyes. "And you? Wait, lemme guess...you're elev-"

"15," the catlike girl interrupted.

"...But I didn't get to guess!"

"Winner's privilege."

"That's not..." Naruto tried to lodge a protest.

"Loser."

It was said in a monotone, but the word sliced deep. In fact, it was so damaging that Naruto nearly fell from his seat.

"...Ghhhiii, fine! You! How old are you?"

This time Naruto had turned to a brown-haired green-eyed girl with twintails.

"Eeep! Uh...15...sir."

"Eh, no need to be polite. Just call me Naruto."

Mittelt clicked her tongue before adding. "No, don't. Call him stupid buffoon instead. Or even better, rapemonster."

"Hey! What the hell are you saying?!"

"I call it like I see it," the cheeky angel retorted.

Of course, Naruto wasn't about to let that fly. "Take that back! My reputation is at stake here!"

"Pfft. What reputation?!"

"Oi! I'll have you know that I've been knighted by a queen before."

"Sounds like a lie."

"It's true! You're the one that's telling lies!"

"Oh?! I'm pretty certain the stupid buffoon part was true," the blond girl cheekily responded.

Naruto opened his mouth to shoot back his response only to close it again upon reflection. "O ho! I see where you're going with this..."

"I hope so! The sooner you realize, the better!" An evil grin appeared on Mittelt's face.

At this point in time, someone else jumped in.

"Umm...N-Naruto?"

Naruto turned away from the blond Fallen Angel and looked at the young girl with twintails who was 15.

"Hmm? What's up?"

"Are you a Fallen, sir?"

"I told you! None of that formal crap!" Naruto roared.

"Eep."

It was like kicking a puppy; the massive grin on the spiky blond's face faded. Instead of being stubborn and annoying, he looked off to the side and decided just to answer her question.

"...Hmm, but...if you're asking whether I have those black feathered wings, I don't. If you're curious, I guess I fall in the no-winged category."

At their confused look, he added, "I mean, they're not there now, but some of you had bat wings, right?"

"Ruruko, let me answer."

"Yes, Buchou."

Sona calmly pushed her glasses up. "To put it simply, that is incorrect. Except for you three, all of those that you see here have..."bat" wings. That is because we are devils."

As she said this, a pair of pitch black bat wings appeared behind her. Seeing their leader reveal her wings, the others moved to follow.

It served to drive home that Naruto and the two Fallen Angels were outnumbered 3 to 1.

Not that Naruto was concerned. He idly scratched a spot under his chin in thought.

"Devils, huh?"

"Indeed," Sona agreed with a nod.

"Bloodsucking?" Naruto suggested, searching for an adequate descriptive term for a devil.

"Those are vampires."

"Weakness to garlic."

"Also Vampires."

"Turn into bats?"

"...quit it with the Vampire stuff!" A blond boy with gray eyes snapped.

"Uhh, black wings."

"Feathered or bat?" Sona slowly asked.

"Feathered."

As expected, of the two he picks the wrong choice.

"Fallen Angels." Sona boredly answered anyway.

"So, what are devils?"

Sona had to blink. This was something she could work with. "Hmm, if I had to put it...Darkness and deals."

"Deals?"

"Would you like to become a member of my peerage?"

Naruto paused at that. After a bit of hemming and hawing, his eyes flickered downward for a brief moment before meeting Sona's eyes again.

"...I'm not really sure what you're talking about. But I can guess. And I'll say no right now."

The same blond boy with gray eyes jumped in once again. "You refused?!"

"Yeah, I refuse. What about it?" Naruto arrogantly demanded.

"You..."

"Saji! Control yourself!" Sona ordered before she turned to the whiskered man. "May I ask why?"

"I think it'd be better if I just demonstrated. Micchan!"

"..." Mittelt had a guarded look on her face.

"Would you like a favor?"

"...yes?"

"Then ask away! What is it?"

Mittelt's face scrunched up in a way that looked like she had bitten a lemon. And then a wicked grin appeared on her face.

"I'm scared, please get rid of these eyesores?"

"Sure, but first call me Onii-chan!"

"I'd rather die."

"Boohoo, who was responsible for turning my cute and thoughtful Micchan into this?"

"You, duh."

"..." Everyone just stared as the blond man made a fool of himself. He finally stopped crying to look at Mittelt.

"Hey I'm crying here, aren't you going to comfort me with a hug?"

"Why would I?"

"Aside from it being nice, I kind of need you to do it for the demonstration."

"Which is why I won't do it."

That was when Naruto's face lit up in realization.

"Yes...that's right. Oh man, I almost made a horrible mistake. What was I thinking? Asking Micchan of all people?"

"What was that?!"

"Hey y-"

Naruto had just turned toward Raynare when a small pair of hands seized his cheeks and forcefully yanked his head towards their owner.

"So you just want a hug, right?" The petite fallen angel demanded with a smoldering glare.

"Eh? No. Not from you."

"Too bad!"

There was no chance to resist. Her arms had wrapped around the back of his head and pulled him in. And then there seemed to be a bang where face met a wall.

"Here's your hug! How is it?!" she started rubbing her frontside against his face as she forcefully hugged him. "Do you understand what you're missing?!"

Before anyone could react, the blond man had broken free, shot up from his seat, and raised a glowing fist into the air.

**BAM.**

"Ouch!"

Because he moved so quickly, they had no time to react. But now that everything had settled, except for Mittelt and Naruto, everyone's expression finally shifted to a gaping stare.

"What the hell?! At least hold back a little!"

"How do you think I felt? Oh my god, the ribs. I told you already, F and up. You know the rules."

"F?"

"He means cup size," Mittelt absentmindedly commented as she continued clutching her head, not realizing what she was saying as stars assaulted her vision.

"I can't believe you! How dare you hit a lady, what kind of man are you?!"

"Excuse me?! Lady? You? At least grow a little before making that claim. You still look like a snot-nosed kid.

"What?!"

"Ah, but if you haven't changed after a thousand years I guess I shouldn't hold my breath. Hell, is it my imagination or did you lose a centimeter?"

"S-Shut up! I didn't! Okay? I didn't!"

It looked like another argument was brewing. But there was an interruption in the form of a fallen angel latched onto his arm.

"Hey. How about doing me a favor?"

"H cup," Naruto automatically responded, his eyes not leaving Mittelt's.

"..."

"..."

"...Come again?"

"Are you deaf you hag? H cup."

"You...You just told the brat F-cup."

"Yeah, but I'm telling you H-cup."

"..."

"It means that you're 3 centimeters too small. Now get off me flatty before I make you," he shook her off.

"This...this...Urrgh! What are you looking at?" she snapped.

Despite her own unfortunate circumstances, Mittelt looked far too smug.

The devils that were still awake found themselves breathing a sigh of relief.

To explain why, we should start with the fact that they've realized that this depraved and perverted unknown appeared to do favors based on bust size. Now then, except for Sona, Koneko, and the guys, none of them were lacking in that department.

So what's the problem?

The problem was that none of them were bigger than that fallen angel. Some were close though, like Tsubaki

Although that begged a question...what if Akeno was here?

Still, while the devils themselves probably could not pull this unknown to their side, they could rest assured that he wasn't in the fallen angel's camp either.

"You...you..." Her pride hurt, Raynare grabbed him and shoved his head into her chest.

"Hmm...hmm...mmhmm!"

Raynare suddenly froze up.

"What are you doing?" she coolly asked.

Naruto pulled himself away and answered with a cheeky grin, "What does it look like? Sampling the goods."

"Die..."

"Look out!"

Once again, Naruto found himself stabbed by a Fallen Angel. And once again, he found himself bleeding out as he fell out of the chair and flopped onto the floor with a blank expression.

The devils immediately tightened the encirclement, murder in their expression.

"Wait! He's not dead! He's not dead!" Mittelt shrieked as she shrunk away and tried to make herself as small as possible. "The fucker doesn't die! Look! He's over there!"

"Ah hah, looks like you're learning Micchan."

His voice pulled the devils' attention. This prevented them from taking advantage of the fact that he wasn't standing next to the Fallen anymore.

With a hup, Naruto had already reentered the encirclement.

"You! How are you still alive?!"

"A magician never reveals his secret. And if Micchan says something, I'll have to punish her."

Before Mittelt could reveal the trick, she snapped her mouth shut with a click and looked away.

Naruto just nodded happily before he gracefully bowed before Raynare. "So then, looks like I've gotta apologize.

"Oh, so you do know your place. Then get rid of these bugs."

"Ah, no. That's not what I want to apologize for."

"You've got a great body," Naruto said with a wide grin and at thumbs up. "But sorry, I've seen better."

Raynare shifted as she prepared to stab the blond man again. That was when a sub-zero voice spoke up from behind her.

"Because of you, I almost died a moment ago. Don't even think of moving. Unlike him, you will die if I stab you."

Mittelt had a light spear aimed at the small of Raynare's back. Raynare reluctantly stayed her hand.

Naruto prattled on, unaware how close he was to being run through by another spear.

"So your first goal to capturing my heart, is getting ahead of Micchan."

The assembled crowd looked at the petite Fallen Angel. One word came to mind and Koneko immediately retreated a step while pulling Ruruko with her.

"Pedophile."

"Ah, it's not that. She's a total failure in the looks department."

Of course Mittelt wouldnt be happy with that.

"You fucker!"

"Thanks for the offer, but no. You're cute, I'll give you that. But I'm only interested in women with tits bigger than F-cups."

"Then why don't you choose me?"

Naruto merely gave a bored glance at the black-haired Fallen Angel.

"That's cause I'm not done saying why I like Mittelt-chan more."

"She's selfish, stupid, and noisy"

"Like you're one to talk!"

"...but her cheekiness can be cute at times and she has a nice smile when she's in a good mood."

"I'm not falling for that this time you bastard!"

Even as she said this, Mittelt had a slight blush on her face.

"Falling for what?"

"Nevermind! Since you got your hug, you'll grant a wish for me, right?"

"Eh, sure. But I'd like to complain about how bad it was."

"Then shut up, leave me alone, and go back to whatever hell you came from."

"Hahaha, you've gotten clever Mittelt-chan, I almost fell for that. Good thing I had my fingers crossed."

There was a slap as Mittelt had to facepalm at that.

"You...how old are you again?"

Her rhetorical question was answered in the worst possible way.

"Who is bullying my So-tan?!"

A twin-tailed child with large breasts had appeared, complete with what looked like a magical girl outfit. She held a cheesy looking pink wand aloft...the yellow star on the end glowing energetically. Chances were good that she was about to release a spell.

Sona's eyes widened. "Everyone gather and help! Before Onee-sama casts her spell!" A dim barrier started to form around her as the other members of hers and Rias' peerage quickly stumbled forward and rushed in. The barrier solidified as they started contributing their own power.

Mittelt immediately tried to run, only to be held in place by Naruto.

"Let me go! Don't you get it?! It's a goddamn Maou!"

Raynare did not have any such restraint and she immediately launched herself skyward. Naruto made no move to stop her.

A scant moment later, both blonds became ice sculptures.

The fleeing fallen angel soon befell the same fate.

The entire landscape had turned to ice.

o-o-o-o-o

_It was a close thing._

"Onee-sama! Isn't this too much? How would we explain it if all of Japan had frozen over?"

_Serafall's attack was nothing to sneeze at. Had it not been contained, it really would have froze all of Japan and a bit of China._

"Waaaaah. Sona-tan! I'm soooo sorry! You see, This was the first time you ever called for me, so I left this long long shoot as fast as possible, but I searched everywhere and I couldn't find you, but when I finally out where you were hiding I had trouble entering that barrier and..."

_In fact, It was very very close. For the nine devils who were less than two-decades in age. One would, in fact, call it strange. The combined strength of 9 relatively new devils against one Ultimate Class devil class spell that freezes the entire landscape. It should have been no contest. Even if they were prodigies, they shouldn't have had enough strength to defend against Serafall's spell. Something strange was going on..._

Onee-sama! Stop! Im not angry. Im just saying that that spell was too much.

"But Sona-tan was in danger..."

"...I'm well aware of that, and I'm thankful. But to use such a powerful spell. We barely managed to defend against it oursel-"

_...The momentary pause suggested that Sona had just realized it too_. "Everyone be careful, he's still alive," Sona immediately announced with a sweeping gesture.

The order to raise their guard in case of surprise attack turned out to be unnecessary, since soon after...

"Gyaaaaah!"

A scream erupted from out of nowhere in the frozen wasteland. A scream, but not from Sona, her peerage, or Serafall.

o-o-o-o-o

"I thought I told you to stay hidden G99," Naruto complained, scowling at a small toad.

Said toad had his own complaints.

"But it got really cold all of a sudden, Aniki. You know how toads don't do well with cold."

"Come out from there!"

There was a loud sigh from the second before a spiky-haired man stood up from where he had been hiding.

"Guess our cover's blown. Geez Micchan, why'd you go and scream like that?"

And throughout all of this, the blond-haired girl kept screaming.

"Toad! Toad!"

"Huh? I'm surprised you knew that G99's a toad right off the bat. Everyone usually says frog."

"Toad! Toad!"

**BONK.**

"Gak."

Mittelt promptly collapsed like a sack of potatoes.

"What's with her?"

"Dunno. Anyway, do me a favor and hide before she wakes up."

"What?! But I just..."

"Just do it."

"Fine fine, I get it."

Just after the toad ducked out of sight, a girl in a magical girl outfit landed in front of Naruto. She fixed him in his spot with a glare.

Or tried to. Naruto nonchalantly pulled himself out of the rabbit hole he was hiding in before taking a stand. By doing so, he towered over the short but busty girl, a smug look on his face.

Even if she lost the advantage in height, said girl still continued glaring back.

A staring contest in a frozen world. The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife.

Serafall suddenly twirled around, her wand tracing a large circle before she entered into a cute pose.

"Hii~ Miracle Girl Levia-tan, defender of love and justice, at your service!" She cheerfully greeted, ending with a starry wink.

Not to be outdone, Naruto himself made a cool pose.

"Naruto Uzumaki. Toad Sage, Ultimate hero, Rent-a-villain, and just all-around awesome!"

That was when a nonexistant wind seemed to pick up and the flames emblazoned on his trenchcoat started to dance as if they were alive.

"Yay!" **-PACHI-**

Introductions complete, the two gave a high-five.

"Friends?" Naruto offered, proceeding to the next stage in making friends.

"Friends!" Serafall agreed, taking his hand.

The both of them had friendly but challenging grins on their faces as they shook hands.

"Nice grip."

"You too."

It was now time for the third step in making friends.

"Let's celebrate!"

"Where should we go?"

It seemed like the wrong question to ask, as a serious atmosphere suddenly descended upon the two.

"Do you...know what ramen is?" Naruto asked, his voice low and serious.

"Ramen?"

"..."

"It's that noodly soupy thingy, right?"

Naruto frowned at the horrible description but gave her a hesitant nod.

"Hmm...ah! I know the best place to visit! Ramen, right?"

"!"

"...?"

"You're not pulling my leg?! Ramen exists? And you know where to go to get some?!"

"Of course! This is Japan!"

"Let's go! Right now!"

"Okay! Then we'll go to Karaoke afterwards!"

"Perfect!"

"Hold it!"

Someone chose that moment to intervene.

"Sona?" "Sona-tan?"

"What are you two doing?"

"We're friends now, we have to celebrate the occasion."

"Join us! Join us! It'll be fun!"

"Wait." Sona had one hand pressing her temples in an attempt to alleviate the oncoming headache. It was obvious events were moving faster than she could follow. "You. Who are you?"

"Me? Didn't I tell you already? I'm Naruto. Naruto Uzumaki as I've told Levia-tan.

"That's not what I'm asking."

"Huh? What are you asking then?"

"How did you avoid Onee-samas attack?"

"A magician-"

"-never reveals his secrets. I get it. Now answer the question."

"But I just said...""

Sona gave him the look, cutting him off.

"...Dont wanna," Naruto stubbornly folded his arms and weathered the gaze.

...

"Are you bullyi-...Sona-tan? Why are you stopping me?"

Sona had held up a hand to stop Serafall from stepping in. However, she herself was helpless to force him. This man was starting to prove himself to be a significant danger. She wasnt even sure he was human anymore.

The tense standoff remained for several minutes before Sajis curiosity finally made itself known.

"Buchou, I'm sorry for interrupting, but how did you know?"

"The barrier."

"I don't see anything wrong with it."

"Exactly. When I had our everyone contribute to our protection, we stopped feeding magic to the surrounding barrier isolating this area from the outside world."

She turned to look at the blond man.

"It should have collapsed immediately. For lack of a better term, it would have a snowballs chance in hell of surviving Onee-samas spell."

"..."

"However, It's still up. My sister is irresponsible, and we were struggling just to protect ourselves. Logically, the only one left is you. You did something, Naruto."

"Sona-tan, calling me irresponsible is mean," the Maou chided her sister.

Naruto started rubbing the back of his neck with a sheepish look. "Uhh, wow. It's pretty rare that someone would notice."

"Sona-tan is great like that," Serafall bragged.

"Ooo. Sona! You're in luck. I find myself in need of a smart girl like you as a little sister. You want the job?"

"No way! Sona-tan is my little sister."

"How about we share?"

"No way!"

"Then I'll trade you. She's arrogant, cruel, and a bit of a potty mouth and all, but she has a great smile so I'm sure you'll like her."

"No way! Sona-tan is my Sona-tan!"

"Wait!"

"Will you really hand over the Fallen if I become your little sister?"

"Yeah!"

"Sona-tan! No!", "Buchou! Don't do it!"

"Please stop. It's a necessary sacrifice."

"Okay! Come to my arms!"

Naruto held out both arms as if preparing to hug her.

Sona had a disgusted look but she slowly walked over.

Serafall weakly fell to her hands and knees. With one hand, she reached toward Sona's receding form with a heartbroken expression. "Sona-tan!" she cried as a river of tears poured down her face.

Sona stopped and looked back, but Naruto was impatient so he grabbed her while she was like that.

"You have me. Now, surrender the Fallen, Sona coldly demanded from within his embrace.

"No way!"

Sonas eyes shout open in surprise. "What?"

"I said, no way!"

"That wasn't in the deal."

"I lied."

"You..."

"Gyahahaha, now I have two little sisters."

"Gweh"

Narutos celebration was cut short when someone kicked him in the face, causing him to release Sona and fall backwards. He landed heavily on the ground.

"W-Who wants to be your little sister?!" Mittelt angrily huffed.

While Naruto was laid out on the ground, Mittelt yanked Sona from his grasp and pulled her to a safe distance. That was when the petite fallen angel initiated the conversation...

"Look, you can't kill me yet. Not until he's dead."

"What?"

"He's a bastard, right? But...he's kind of reliable too." Mittelt had a distasteful look on her face as she said this.

"I dont understand."

"I didn't say anything about this before. But go ahead. Stab me, cast magic at me, whatever."

Sona did. And just like Mittelt had said, her water spells uselessly bounced off.

"Now that that's out of the way, I'd say that we kill him."

"Why..."

"Trust me, the world would be a better place without him."

When Sona still didn't look convinced, Mittelet pointed behind her. "Besides, will you be able to stop...her?"

The fallen angel was pointing at Serafall. The normally-cheerful Maou had a dangerous black aura surrounding her. Her magical girl wand found itself a victim of her teeth as she bit down on it in frustration and aggravation.

"I won't forgive you! For taking my precious Sona-tan, I won't forgive you!"

Little did the two know that someone was eavesdropping. And he picked that moment to announce himself...

"Oho? Is this what they call the rebellious phase? Sniff, my little sisters are growing up. They don't rely on their Oniichan anymore."

"Screw you!"

Naruto calmly stowed away his handkerchief. "Like I said, not until you show some curves, he said in a cool manner.

"Fweeeee!"

...That wasn't Mittelt blowing her top actually. That was a kettle whistling to let the user know that...

"Ah, hot water's ready. After all these years, you would think that I wouldn't have to wait 3 minutes for this."

He soon poured hot water into a cup of instant ramen before setting an egg timer.

"Anyway, come at me. I've got a little time."

A large meteor of ice came from above and pounded the ground where he was standing.

"..."

From the side, Naruto eyed the steaming meteor with a half-lidded gaze. He had dodged in time but...

With a grunt, he lifted the meteor off of the ground and cast it aside before he eyed the pulverized styrofoam cup and what was left of the egg timer.

"Okay, I have quite a bit of time now. And I'm also a bit angry."

"Weird, you get attacked even without giving the speech."

Naruto lightly placed a hand on G99's head

"Not the time for this!"

"Gweh!"

He promptly shoved the toad out of sight again.

As this was happening, Sona gave an order.

"Fly."

Black wings flared behind the devils. They took to the air.

Even if she was currently unable to fly, Mittelt still pulled out her light spears.

Naruto could only look skyward as specks of different colors appeared everywhere around him. Magic was gathering at those spots.

The ground soon started shaking as ice shards, water bullets, and explosions started cratering the dirt around him as the bombardment started.

Strangely, Naruto wasn't retaliating.

Despite their misgivings, however, Sona's peerage continued to assist their leader in peppering the area. There had to be a reason why she demanded that they give it their all. Holding back was not an option.

As such, the explosions continued to increase in intensity...soon enough, one could even say that every single grain of sand on the ground had been touched.

The finale occurred when Serafall nudged her way in.

There was a brilliant blue flash and then the flying ice chips froze over.

There was no time for silence to contemplate the results of the barrage.

**Kuchiyose no Jutsu**

Serafall's frozen sculpture shattered as a large pair of toads just...appeared.

"My turn," Naruto confidently proclaimed from atop one of the toads.

The toad that he was standing on suddenly leapt forward, it's tongue shooting out at the same time. Mittelt didn't even have time to scream before she was promptly snagged and dragged in.

**GULP.**

The devils had no time to gape as the other toad started moving too. Its tongue shot skyward.

As if it was still hungry, the toad that Naruto was standing on also greedily fired its tongue.

"Eeek!"

"Reya!" "Saji!"

**GULP. GULP.**

"Eat up guys! There's still more!"

"You bastard!"

Naruto had a challenging grin on his face.

"You want em back, you gotta beat these guys first. Hurry up though, it doesn't take long for the stomach acid to work!"

And so a critical battle started.

In truth, the toads had a little difficulty catching their prey. As long as the devils got out of the way in time, aside from a little adjustment by using their tongues like a whip, there was little the toads could do to redirect their tongues.

That said, the toads were somehow impervious to all damage. Even the sensitive spots like the eyes and tongues were harder than mithril. In fact, the toads were soaking so much damage that the devils soon came to realize that causing damage was futile.

"Run away!"

At this point, they had no choice but to flee and gather more support. There was a slight problem, however.

"Geh! The barrier!"

"Open the barrier!"

"I cant! Something is wrong!"

"The magic isnt responding!"

"Have you forgotten?" Naruto's voice was quite smug. "I did something. The barrier is mine now. Heres a hint, you'd be better off attacking the toads than breaking the barrier. Or better yet, try to beat me instead."

If the toads were invulnerable, what did that say about the barrier? They tried anyway, but the barrier remained as solid as ever. They soon discovered that it was also impossible to teleport out.

At this point, Sona was just left with a pair of knights, Tsubaki, and Ruruko.

Serafall herself had already been eaten.

That was a story in and of itself. Serafall was strong. It took both toads working in concert, but she had finally been captured. But she still struggled even as the tongue pulled her in.

And then the toad promptly blew up.

Not into little pieces though. Instead, its belly swelled outward to twice its usual size as a massive magical spell went off inside its mouth.

But that was it.

The toad promptly let out a loud belch, a frosty wave of air leaving its mouth.

"Minty," the toad finally said after licking its lips.

"Ho ho ho," the other toad laughed mirthfully.

"Onee-sama!"

It was the first time Sona's calm expression had changed into something else. A terrified one.

For the devils, the situation was hopeless. They had already lost most of their members, while both toads just had a few scratches. None worth mentioning.

"Give up yet?" Naruto laughed from his seat on the first toad.

"...I will avenge my sister and my peerage, mark my words."

Naruto had a huge grin on his face. "Oh? How do you plan to do that?"

"..."

Sona was defiant, but she couldnt offer an answer to his question.

He sat back in a sloppy manner. "Still...this was supposed to be easy."

"Easy? You call this easy?"

"Well yeah, it's just two toads. If you want to impress me, you should be able to handle ten of them."

"..."

"Ah. By the way. You're open."

"Dodge!"

It was Tsubakis turn to be eaten. 4 devils remained. Sona, Kiba, Tomoe, and Ruruko.

Stop! Just stop. I surrender. Ruruko, Kiba, Tomoe. Stay back."

"Nice!" Naruto was happy enough to celebrate his victory.

"Now return everyone," Sona demanded.

"Hmm? What'd you just say?"

"Give them back."

Naruto was curious. "What do you mean?"

"The fallen angel was your first victim."

"And?"

"It was...effective. Very much so. By quickly and mercilessly taking out your ally first, you sowed confusion among the rest of us. And then you proceeded to take advantage of this confusion. However, you promised to protect the Fallen as well. Could removing her from the board, instead, be a way to protect her while you're busy dealing with the rest of us?"

"...No?"

"You promised."

"..."

"And your fingers weren't crossed."

"Heh. Youre bluffing."

"I am. But you promised the Fallen in front of me and I have observed you adequately fulfilling that promise despite our best efforts."

The blond man let out a sigh.

"Jeez, you're really observant. But you're only half-right, I did honestly promise to protect Micchan. But I didnt remove her to protect her."

"So they're still alive? All of them?"

There was a hopeful tone in her voice. She froze when the last words left her mouth, but it was already too late.

"All?" Naruto had a challenging look on his face.

Sona had to dig for proof once again.

"You are extremely powerful. Even my sister lost. And yet, not once has any of us died before."

"Hmm? Maybe I got bored and finally decided to end it."

Sona looked uncertain.

"I...do not know. However, I wish to make an exchange."

"What kind of exchange?"

"Myself, for everyone."

"Huh?"

"Return everyone alive and unharmed, I will offer myself in exchange."

"Buchou!"

"Quiet!"

"Why should I?" Naruto demanded. He was holding all of the cards after all.

Sona was not without her own deck though. "I am the queen of all devil-kind."

"Queen?"

"As the leader, all devil-kind obey my word."

She was lying, of course. But throughout their entire meeting, there was one oddity that she had noticed. The man before her had no concept of Devils, or Fallen Angels. It was obvious from his questions. Ergo, he was probably not familiar at all with the power structure of devil kind at the moment. If she claimed to be the leader, as long as nothing suggested otherwise then this lie would not be seen through. Hopefully, if he accepted this deal, Onee-sama might be able to escape and gather the assistance of the other Maou.

"Hmm...I dunno. Royalty huh? Tempting."

"..."

"...so tempting."

"..."

But he needed to accept the deal first. And the longer he waited, the more danger the others were exposed to if they were indeed being digested.

"...Myself...and a bowl of ramen."

"Deal!"

_**Kuchiyose no Jutsu!**_

A third toad appeared a little ways off.

"Okay guys, ride's over. Keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle until it comes to a complete stop."

**PTOOEY**.

The third toad promptly spit everyone out all at once. A mucus covered ball of bodies landed roughly in a heap some distance away.

"W-What is this?!"

"Sticky, and gooey..."

"Eugh..."

"It smells horrible!"

"I think Im going to puke..."

"I was eaten by a toad..."

"What the hell was that...What the hell was that..."

"I'm going to kill you, you bastard!"

The ball quickly untangled itself as everyone struggled to pull themselves free.

"Everyone, don't worry. The stuff is 100% safe. And it comes off...eventually. You'll need a few showers though. Hey uh, just to let you know, I refuse to be held responsible if you brought your good clothes to this fight."

His gaze flipped toward the black-haired girl that he was negotiating with earlier.

"Your highness, they've been returned alive and unharmed. It's your turn."

"What?!"

Everyone who had just been ejected had a stunned speechless look. Sona's expression wasn't much better, she had been counting on a moments reprieve because of the ramen part of the deal. He had to get the ramen first before taking her, right?

"Disappear." Naruto had a cheery grin on his face as he said this.

The toad under his feet recoiled as its tongue shot out faster than ever. There was a pop as the tip broke the sound barrier.

"Hyiii"

**GULP**.

"..."

"Sona!"

Naruto held out both arms for silence as if he was a circus ringleader.

The cacophony grew louder instead. Thankfully, Naruto didnt care as he continued the act.

"Girl disappeared! Applause, applause everyone. And now, for my next trick..."

He pointed at the third toad.

**PTUI**!

And a mucus covered Sona was promptly launched. She landed in a dazed heap.

"Ahahahahahahahah. Slimed!"

Narutos boisterous laugh filled the air. And only his laugh.

His laughter finally died down from the eerie silence.

"Hey, why isn't anyone laughing? Wasn't that funny?"

"You...you..."

"Boss, they're really angry."

"It kinda is your fault, Naruto-sama..."

"It was just a joke. Why are they flipping out?"

Despite his confusion, Naruto was eagerly cracking his knuckles at the sight of the frenzied crowd. "I guess it's time for a round 2 then."

"Uh sorry Big Bro, we don't have time for a round 2. We should be heading back soon. Those heroes might run away if we take any longer."

"Way to kill the fun, G99."

"Hey, it's not my fault! We weren't supposed to stay here for that long in the first place."

Yeah yeah, I know I know, Naruto sighed.

So what do we do, boss? One of the large toads asked turning toward the toad summoner seated atop the first toad. He left his back wide open to the devils.

"I don't know...just...right. Okay. Act like you're dying when you feel something like a hit."

"OK"

"A massive glacier, easily bigger than the toad, promptly slammed into it from behind."

"You meanie. How dare you do that to Sona-tan!"

"..."

"Hey, G-T, You just got hit, Naruto deadpanned to the other toad.

"But boss...I didn't feel it. You sure?"

"...yes."

Said toad swiveled back around so that he was facing the devils.

So I should...

No, stop...its too late for that. Look, just do something when you see a devil hit you."

"Rog-ahchoo!"

Shards of ice from the glacier had danced across the toad's nostrils. Causing the massive toad to sneeze.

The sneeze was so tremendous that most of the devils were sent ducking for cover as their own projectiles returned to them.

"Eeek!"

Since she was coming in from the side, Ruruko herself was not in the direct path of the sneeze. But the draft from the rushing winds generated so much turbulence that flying became difficult, and she soon found herself tumbling uncoordinatedly in midair.

**Bump.**

Instead of finishing her flying kick like she intended, she ended up hip bumping the toad lightly on the cheek before falling ungracefully as gravity took over.

"..."

The toad known as G-T made a blink-blink expression before turning slightly red.

"Boss, watch my acting," the blushing toad announced.

"Hey-"

Before Naruto could stop him, the big toad dramatically pressed a flipper to his chest.

"Gyaaah! Blood's spurting everywhere! Look at all that blood! Soon it'll be enough to fill the forest!"

There was no blood. They were in an ice wasteland. And G-T's face had been hit, so why was he clutching his chest?

"Aniki!" The toad that Naruto was seated on joined the drama immediately.

"Gasp! I'm dying! It hurts so much!"

**BOOM. CRASH.**

G-T, the dying toad had started to breakdance. Perhaps this was his way to imitate someone in their death throes? Nevertheless, its hard to imagine a two-story toad spinning on his head - and needlessly causing damage to the icy landscape - as having one foot on death's doorstep.

"Aniki!"

"Dying I tell you! Dying! Gasp groan. The pain the pain! Hey, wheres the sad background music? I need some inspiration here!"

G99 stepped up to the plate. From atop Narutos shoulder, the small toad expanded to twice his normal size, and soon the high pitched wailing of a toad cry filled the air.

"Yes! Im feeling it! Oh! The pain! The horror!"

It looked like G-T was ready to resume. In fact, at this point he started flopping energetically on the ground like a beached fish.

"D-Don't worry Aniki! I'll avenge you!"

"No! You must live on! For all of toad kind!"

"But I can't leave you here!"

"Then take my body! Take my body and run into the sunset!"

It was nighttime. There was no sun.

"Aniki! You'll forever be remembered as a hero just like Naruto-sama!"

"The world...going dark..."

"Tell Boss...that I'm sorry..."

"Don't worry G-T, I'm here..."

Despite its absurdity, it looked like even Naruto wanted in on the act.

"Boss...I wish we could have...peeped at the hotsprings one more time..."

"..."

Everyone was glaring at the blond man.

"...I was young! It happened ages ago!" the spiky-haired blond stammered.

"...It was two days ago...I remember it like it was yesterday. The busty young women wearing only..."

Narutos defense bombed immediately. Shot down by friendly fire. He leapt off his mount, a fist cocked and ready.

"Oi! You're supposed to be dead already. Stop with the life story and go already."

**BOOM**. "Gaaak!"

Naruto's punch was far more effective than anything that the devils had thrown earlier. With one strike, the toad promptly burst into a cloud of smoke.

"Aniiikiiiii!"

Naruto turned around and glared at the last large toad.

"GG, you go back too."

"Yes Naruto-sama!"

The second toad gave a salute before disappearing in a cloud of smoke.

"Sniff, sniff! Waaah!"

"Onee-sama! You're making a scene!"

"That was so touching!"

"No, no it wasn't. That was horrible, I'm ashamed to have even witnessed it."

"There's no reason to cry over it, Serafall-sama."

"Oh. I'm not crying because of that, I'm crying because it's not fair! My attack was the biggest! Why wasn't it the killing blow? You saw it, right?! Everyone?!"

"So not the time for this..." Sona really wanted to find a hole to hide in.

"So...uhh...bravo! Bravo! Good job. Well anyway, here's your reward. One for each of you."

When Naruto stopped at the Fallen Angel lying facedown without moving, he started shaking her awake.

"Oi, wake up Micchan. They're gone already."

When the blond fallen angel made no signs of waking up, Naruto promptly flipped her around so she was face up, threw something into her mouth, and then used a roll of tape to seal it shut.

Standing up, he went to the last devil in line, Sona.

"Good job. I had fun today."

He said with a grin despite her still being covered in toad slime. He held out an item which Sona slowly took.

"What...is this?"

"I want to call it ramen in a pill, but..."

Mittelt suddenly shot up, a wild look in her eyes. It was hard to tell with the tape over her mouth, but it looked like she was gagging. Soon she turned a pale green. When she finally discovered the tape, she tore it off before running for a nearby crack in the ice-covered ground. The sound of someone becoming violently sick soon echoed through the landscape.

Naruto tried whistling innocently, but the devils were having none of that. They had seen this guy's true character already.

At their deadpan gazes, he had to come clean.

"...They taste kind of gross. So if you want more, I'll be happy to give you the rest.""

Mittelt promptly stomped over and slapped him.

"Eyaaah," she cried as she clasped her hand in pain. It felt like she had hit a solid wall.

Naruto had an angelic look on his face. "What was that for?"

"Kind of gross?! Kind of gross?! It tasted like mud, mushy bug guts, used oil, and rotten vegetables you fucker! Thats not kind of! Oh my god..." The upset girls face turned an odd shade of green as she started to remember.

"..."

The devils all unanimously chose to drop the pills right there. Even Serafall.

Naruto paid it no mind. Instead, his hands started to form a long sequence of hand seals.

"So anyway, I have to go now so..."

_**Door to Anywhere no Jutsu!**_

Naruto created a portal in space.

-o-o-o-

* * *

Glowering angrily, Mittelt once again was ready to pick at any of Naruto's faults. "Hey, where's the door?"

"What door?"

"It IS called the Dokodemo Door no Jutsu, right?" The black-winged angel sweetly asked.

"Yup."

Naruto had a proud look on his face as he nodded in agreement.

"DOOR is in the name, right?" The sweetness was so thick you could get cavities just listening to it.

"Yeah? So?"

"I see a hole here. Do you get the problem?"

No...?

"Oh, I get it. It's just your fucked up naming sense calling a hole a door." Mittelt had a satisfied expression on her face as her attack began.

"Hey! My naming sense is perfectly fine!"

"Then where's the door?!" She challenged.

"There is no door!"

"Why do you call it dokodemo door no jutsu then if there's no door, you dumbass?"

"...I'm still working on it! It's not easy creating time-space jutsu y'know. Just be glad that this dimension hasn't imploded yet!"

Mittelt was on the verge on adding her two cents when she paused upon hearing that last part.

A brief glance around revealed that most of the devils had a "he's kidding," look on their face.

...They were so goddamn clueless.

Scared to ask how many dimensions he had turned into a black hole, she abandoned the original game of insulting him until he cries in search of a safer question. Her eyes fell on the portal itself.

"Okay, forget it. Different question, where's your door pointed?"

A great convenience of the Dokodemo Door no Jutsu was that those preparing to hop to another place could see what was on the other side before jumping in. It's a feature baked into most portals, actually. You don't want to crash into a wall or find yourself in space or things like that, right?

"Huh? Should be some campsite in the middle of nowhere placed near the demon king's castle."

"Look again."

"Why?" Naruto stopped talking as everyone turned stared into the portal that he had just opened. There was a giant pale yellow object with a black slit. The feeling of being stared at sent chills down everyone's spine. Even Serafall and Naruto had fallen silent.

"So?"

"...huh? Is that an eye?"

"...it...it just moved!"

"Yup, probably an eye. Whoever owns it is really big."

This prompted the others to take another look, but whatever it was had disappeared and the tear in space now displayed the appropriate background...kind of.

It's true that they had a view of a place in the middle of nowhere, but instead of a rocky landscape with a few stunted trees and a lazily rising trail of smoke from a campfire, instead there was an endless hazy void with a stunning aurora shimmering in the background.

"Uhh..."

"...Were we imagining things?"

"No...wait, something's there."

"A small dot had appeared in the center of the tear. As the dot grew larger, everyone could start to make out the large wings and reddish color of the incoming object."

"...ah..."

"Dragon..."

That was correct. They were seeing a gigantic horned red dragon with a sinewy-looking body.

"It's coming this way!"

"How big is that thing?!"

"It's getting bigger!"

"We're going to di-"

Several loud claps filled the air.

"Everyone don't panic! I got this." Naruto's voice rose above the others. He was probably trying to be cool and dramatic. With a snap of his fingers, the portal started to close.

...but he was too slow. Before it could close completely, those present could only gape as an impossible phenomenon suddenly occurred...space was visibly distorting inward. Whatever was on the other side had slammed into the closing tear hard enough to mess with the physics.

...

Their surprise soon turned into horror as the tear slowly started to reopen.

"Ah...hahaha, this can be bad..."

"Bad?! Bad?! Way to state the obvious, Genius! This is all your fault! Do something!"

"Alright alright. Stop trying to choke me. I just need a sec."

"We don't have a second!"

"Hang on I'm...done!"

There was a tearing sound as a new tear opened just off to the side.

Most of those gathered paled immediately upon hearing the sound of reality's demise.

"No..."

"You...You ripped open another hole?!" Mittelt shrieked as she clawed at her neck in a way that seemed like she was trying to strangle herself.

Naruto wasn't listening as he already had his head stuck halfway inside. "Holy shit! You're huge. What the hell did you eat to get that large?!"

He suddenly ripped his head back out. "Whoops." Backpedalling, Naruto frantically waved his palm back and forth to shut the new portal.

It started to shrink as the tear mended itself but, right as it shrunk to the size of a fingernail, space seemed to bulge inward again as something large seemed to strike that spot from the other side.

On the bright side, without the dragon to press against it, the first door had fizzled out of existence. Now if only the dragon would let this second one mend itself, things would be just peachy.

"And...There!"

Sensing a possible route to success, Naruto completed the last set of hand signs with a broad grin.

There was a tearing sound as a new portal opened.

"You goddamn idiot! What the hell?!"

"Oi! You! Hey you! We're over here you overgrown li-geh!"

Naruto hurriedly backed out and tried to shut the new portal.

Once again, whatever was on the other side refused to let this new portal shut completely.

"Ah...this guy's not giving up."

"Of course not, Dumbass!" Mittelt's eyes were glowing red with rage. They flickered downward when some motion from his fingers caught her attention.

"...Wait, what the hell are you doing?"

"It's worked so far, right?" Naruto asked with a cocky grin. "Open sesame!"

There was a tearing sound as a new portal opened.

"Fuck my life...Close it you asshole! Close it!"

"Hahaha"

"Ooo, let me try!"

"Onee-sama!"

"Hallo Great Red! Magical Girl Levia-tan is he-eeek!"

"I said close it!"

Naruto did just that. The new portal had shrunk to the size of a thimble before the dragon slammed into it.

A massive roar burst out from the crack. Whatever was on the other side was not pleased with this game.

"We're so dead..."

"H-He's opening another one! Someone stop him!"

"Hahaha, here we go..."

Say what you will about the others, but Naruto was enjoying this demented game of whack-a-mole. It wouldn't be a surprise if he even forgot the reason why he was opening these portals in the first place.

A tearing sound ripped through the air as he opened yet another dimensional hole.

"Ahahahaha"

Together, Naruto and Serafall both happily ran up to the new tear in space. They weren't the only ones this time.

"Move," Mittelt coldly said as she brutally shoulder-checked Serafall. The petite yet busty Maou let out a squeak at the brazen surprise attack. Off-balance, she stumbled and fell into an icy ditch off to the side.

"What happened?" Naruto asked as he turned to see what was going on. Aside from Mittelt-chan and Sera-chan, those assembled had a shocked look on their face. Of the two, he saw Sera-chan tumbling into a crack in the ground and Mittelt angrily stomping toward him.

Mittelt-chan? What's...Hey...what are you...HEY! HEY! OI! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

"Saving our asses!"

"What?!"

"...assist the fallen angel," Sona shouted to the rest of her peerage.

"What?!"

"Don't ask, just do it. We don't have time!" Sona shouted as she started running over.

Sensing the gravity of the situation, Momo and Reya also ran in to assist. With the four working together, Naruto soon found himself tilting forward.

"Stoooop! Noooo, I'm going to fall!"

"You made this mess! Take responsibilty you asshole!"

"N-Never!"

"He's breaking free!"

"Make some room!" The rest of the devils, Serafall excluded, had arrived by now.

"Someone grab his legs!"

"He's not budging!"

"It's like his feet are stuck to the ground!"

"Hnnngh. He's not going in!"

**SNORT**.

Everyone stopped what they were doing to look up at the wall of jagged teeth just outside the portal. Each tooth was three times longer than the guy they were trying to shove in.

The dragon had arrived.

When it opened its mouth, Mittelt and the devils immediately let go and jumped back.

**CHOMP**.

"H-He got eaten!"

That was true, except the bite didnt exactly slice Naruto in half. Was it because his body was chiseled from diamond? Or did Naruto luck out and find himself in between a gap in the teeth? Still, the dragons jaws now had a firm hold on Narutos upper body.

With a mighty pull, Great Red ripped the stubborn man from his spot and dragged him into the dimensional rift. A sizeable chunk of ice and dirt clung to his feet.

...

The portal didn't close and everyone fearfully backed off, afraid to be the next victim.

But nothing happened. It remained surprisingly...quiet.

Curious, the devils looked to each other to figure out what to do next.

They soon started glaring at Mittelt. Unable to fly, outnumbered, and overpowered, the Fallen Angel had no choice but to follow their silent command. With hesitant steps, she slowly approached the portal to take a peek inside.

**THUD**.

A meter away from the portal, she immediately jumped back in terror upon seeing an object suddenly appear at the portals edge.

It was a hand. Attached to an arm. Attached to Naruto.

"Help me," he begged.

He was still alive.

It looked like he had managed to avoid being ripped in two or shredded by oversized teeth. But his nearly successful escape attempt had failed right at the portal when the dragon clamped down on his legs.

So he was one-handedly holding desperately onto the portal's edge while the dragon attempted to drag him away.

Space was cracking. The edges around the hole were glowing like a rainbow and starting to splinter, forming cracks like glass. It looked like reality could not support the combined weight of the man's grip and the dragon's pull.

Mittelt, herself, was bravely inching closer until she could reach out and touch his hand.

"Micchan!"

Naruto had a hopeful grin on his face.

Hope soon turned to despair as an evil grin appeared on the Fallen Angel's face.

"You know, I thought this was the stupidest thing ever. It'll be useful you say. Just keep it dry you say. I've made so many over the years and not once have they been useful. I've almost given up on carrying one. But this...this is just perfect."

She pulled something from her pocket. It was a small, somewhat spherical object.

"You wouldn't."

Mittelts grin just grew wider.

With a light toss, the object quickly reached Naruto's face where it promptly exploded.

Not with a bang, but with a poof as the thin paper broke apart releasing a lot of black powder.

It was a pepper bomb. One of Naruto's favorite toys from a long time ago, before he became a ninja. It was perfect for a distraction, which he often needed to make a getaway. And pepper was fairly cheap for him so he could manufacture lots of them with just a few tissues. And they had one reliable effect if used correctly...

"A...Ah...Ahchooooo!"

Naruto's sneeze was incredible. Not only was it loud, it caused his hand to slam down and bounce off of reality's edge when his muscles reflexively tensed and relaxed. He recovered quickly enough, but with mere fingertips clinging to the portal, he soon lost his grip on the portal. With nothing to support him, he was promptly dragged back into the dimensional gap while screaming...

"Micchan you bitch! I'll remember this...!"

"Ciao~, oh teacher of mine."

o-o-o-o-o

Following the moment when he was dragged into the Dimensional Gap a second time, Naruto stopped trying to escape. Instead, while Great Red tried to gnaw on him, he was having an argument with someone else.

"..."

"Eh?! Whaddya mean you wanna take on the overgrown lizard?!"

...

"D-Did you just call it a small challenge?! I've seen mountains smaller than that!"

...

"That was an accident! And anyway, you can't even tell the mountain was there in the first place!"

...

"Hah! Feel free to tell whoever you want! I'm the only one that can hear you!"

...

"Whaddya mean you refuse to be inside a coward?! You've been with me for a looong...Okay Okay Okay! I'll do it! You don't have to shout!"

"..."

"Hey! It looks like today is your unlucky day. Release me and I'll beat you down. Don't release me and I'll still beat you down!"

Through a closed jaw, the dragon let out a deep pulsed sound that somehow sounded like laughter.

"Okay, you asked for it asshole! Kage Bushin no Jutsu!"

A dull roar filled the air as numerous popping sounds filled the air.

**"Kawarimi no Jutsu"**

Swapping himself out with a clone, Naruto found himself floating in front of his army of clones with an upraised arm. His arm came down, pointing at the dragon.

"All hands! Charge!"

"Osu!"

The voices of ten-thousand men shouting an affirmative was loud and intimidating.

**"GROWRRRR!"**

The red dragon's even louder roar suggested that he wasn't about to let this challenge to his dominancy stand.

o-o-o-o-o

Back in the real world, the devils had seen what the Fallen had done.

"Throw her in," Sona coldly ordered.

The other devils gladly obeyed. Mittelt struggled vainly to resist, but the devils easily overpowered her.

Mittelt soon found herself mercilessly thrown into the portal.

After that the devils were about to back away once again, maybe call up reinforcements to seal up this spot. But something caught their attention.

Namely, an amazing battle had started. Their mouths dropped as they saw thousands of men swarming the giant red dragon like ants. Energy blasts exploded everywhere.

This man...describing him as powerful would be too mild. What had they been thinking when they confronted him earlier? They were lucky to escape, not with their lives, but with the universe intact.

All of a sudden, the scene brightened to a retina burning intensity as an enormous plume of fire left the dragon's jaws.

The devils blinked to clear out the spots in their vision, but the fight continued.

It looked like half the army had been wiped out with the dragon's last attack. But somehow, more had joined the fight.

"Eh?!" Serafall sat up. Looking around, she quickly tottered over to the tear and took a peek inside. After staring inside silently for several moments, she started to jump up and down. "Woah! Wow! So many of them! Where's my camera?!"

o-o-o-o-o

Mittelt helplessly floated through the rift. Until her wing healed, she was unable to control her movement in this area.

So this was how it was going to end. Lost in the middle of nowhere, or eaten by a dragon.

She let out a small sigh. It was galling to have the devils throw her in. But at least she could brag that she wasn't done in by a devil. Further lightening her mood was that she had managed to get rid of her hateful former teacher to a dragon. And with a tool of his own making. It was going to be a peaceful death. She liked that.

And then she found herself bumping into a firm but somewhat pliable object.

"Yo, whatcha doing here?"

Yeah...it was never that easy.

"How...are you following me?"

If you hadn't realized it yet, Mittelt was quite smart. By now, she had figured out that Naruto wasn't showing up at random moments. Instead, he seemed to have a bead on her somehow.

"There's a small seal on your back. It lets me know where you are."

She was right. However, the only thing that she could remember that was out of place following her escape was a small mole. Naturally, a being as vain as a fallen angel wouldn't want a skin blemish like that, but no matter how hard she scrubbed, it wouldn't come off. In time she came to accept and live with it. And it seemed to be fading itself. But that was something else for another time, since it couldn't possibly be the seal.

"...I didn't find any orange toads anywhere..." she casually dug.

Naruto had a huge grin on his face. "Hahahaha, of course not. I disguised it as a black dot, like a mole."

A litany of swear words ran through her head upon hearing this.

"Why?!" she demanded.

"If I used a toad, you would have found it immediately."

"She would have. And had she known about the mole, she would have gouged it out of her body instead of trying to rub it off."

"...You suck."

"Eh, changing the topic, Ive decided that you're coming with me...uh, for some training I guess."

"Hahahaha, that was funny. Seriously, why can't you just die.

Exasperation was liberally laced in her voice.

"Ah, but you see Mittelt-chan, the joke's not finished yet."

"Whatever. I'm out of here."

"How?"

Naruto had the most infuriating grin on his face. Right, she couldnt use her wing.

"I-I'll find a way."

"That's great, but you know? Even if you did have a way, I swore that I wasn't going to forget. And I plan to keep this promise."

"When'd you say that?"

"How could you forget already?!"

"But...Wait wait wait. Are you talking about the portal? They threw me in afterwards!"

"So? I'd congratulate you if it was just the pepper bomb. But you had a massive shit-eating grin, too. That kinda pisses me off."

"H-How petty."

Naruto was nonplussed from the look of accusation on her face.

"Right? I thought that we've already covered that I'm a really bad man. So are you coming or am I going to make you?"

"I have a better idea. How about you shove your head up your ass and disappear?"

He let out a troubled sigh. "So we're doing this the hard way?"

Naruto quickly gave Mittelt a once-over before a strange look appeared on his face.

"Hey, y'know. It's been bothering me for some time but..."

Naruto placed a glowing green hand on top of Mittelt's head. The fallen angel was enveloped by a flash of pale green. When it cleared, all of her wounds were gone. In fact, the bone in her wing was in one piece again. Her clothes were still in tatters though.

"There, better?"

She gave her wings an experimental flap before looking at the blond asshole.

"...Hey"

"Hmm?"

"...I have a question..."

Go ahead.

Why you didn't do this earlier?" The fallen angel coldly demanded.

Naruto had a sheepish look on his face. "...Uh...because you'd be able to escape?"

"..."

"..."

"You're lying."

"Yeah. How'd you know?"

Mittelt facepalmed and let out a long suffering groan.

...

...

The silence between the two was broken by a low rumbling sound in Mittelt's throat.

"Micchan?"

Mittelt shrugged the hand off her shoulder and, with the aid of her wings, began to fly away.

Right when it seemed like Naruto was about to follow, Mittelt turned around. She had one hand covering her eye, a wild look on her face.

"Kukuku. You idiot teacher. In these years, I've become hundreds of times stronger. I was kind enough to provide you a handicap, but you foolishly did not accept my kindness. Mark my words, healing me was a mistake. Now that I've become a Fallen Angel, you can't hope to match my full power. Come! I shall show you how the student has surpassed the teacher."

Naruto's response was to grin broadly as he straightened up and beckoned toward his opponent. "Okay then Mittelt-sama, come at me with the intent to kill! By the way, if you kill me once...I die."

"What's with those Chuuni lines?!"

"What?! Chuuni?! You..."

"Die!"

There was a flash of pink light...

"...woah! Y-You really tried to kill me!"

Mittelt turned around to face him once again. Her attempt to charge at and run him through had failed, as expected.

"Shut up! If you're facing a fucking dragon and winning, what do you think my chances are? Besides, I hate you."

"What makes you think I'm winning?"

"Because you're too stupid to admit defeat unless you're dead."

"That's...kind of mean."

"Die die die!"

As if forgetting the results of all of the previous battles today, the Fallen Angel started to fly in circles as she prepared for one last desperate bid for victory.

With several flaps of her wings before pulling them tightly to her body, the Fallen Angel angled forward into a powerful charge.

o-o-o-o-o

In the end, Mittelt found herself flopping limply on Naruto's back in a fireman's carry, a solid arm wrapped around her midsection.

"You got faster," Naruto laughingly called over his shoulder.

Mittelt had tried to run away by putting on that burst of speed while facing the opposite direction. But she didn't get very far before Naruto caught up, seized her, and tossed her over his shoulder.

"Shut...up..."

"Heh, I've gotta hand it to you. Between the lame insults, fake tears, frequent escape attempts, and this chance to run away. It almost makes me want to leave you alone because of how troublesome this is becoming."

"Really?"

There was a hopeful look on the girls face.

"Nope. Now let's go."

"No..."

Naruto started humming as they started floating toward the battlefield. It worked on the same principle as a rocket. Send chakra in the opposite direction and youll go forward. If ninja can walk on water, why cant they adapt the same principle to a gravity-less void?

"No no no! Let me go! Let me go!"

She kicked and flailed in a desperate bid to escape.

"Jeez, lighten up willya? If you work hard, you'll be back in no time."

"I don't want to train!"

"Eh, too bad. That's your punishment for losing. Anyway, I hope you haven't forgotten the taste of bugs. Cause Ma looked like she wants to cook up a feast lately."

"She's alive?! That old hag is still alive?! What is she?! Three-thousand?!"

"You know? I never asked. Why don't you give it a try?"

"Hmm...but wait. Hey, Micchan. You can fly, right? I have a bunch of friends who need help getting across a chasm."

The devils watching the epic battle between man and dragon did not notice the solitary figure float in from the side with a blond haired girl flailing on his shoulder.

They did, however see a tiny figure taking advantage of the distraction from the clones to shoot in and deliver a sneaky kick on the dragon from behind. Despite a radically skewed difference in mass, the dragon was successfully knocked aside. It was soon dogpiled upon once again.

With the path clear, Naruto promptly opened up another door to anywhere which he promptly floated into.

The portal in the rift soon closed. The army in the rift popped into smoke when it vanished.

The portal the devils were watching from sealed itself a moment later.

"See you next time!" A disembodied voice seemed to whisper.

"Eeeyyaaaaah! I hate toads!"

"Hahaha, it's good to have you back Micchan..."

And then silence descended upon the frozen wasteland as the gathered devils looked at each other.

"What now Buchou?"

Sona had to breathe a sigh of relief. It was dangerous, but the Fallen were finally dealt with.

"Time to clean up. You know what to do."

"Yes!"

Even as she said this, the isolation barrier had started to disappear and with it the frozen wasteland was soon replaced by a city park in the midst of blooming. Cleaning up should be fairly simple from there.

Serafall was hopping up and down in excitement.

"...How cool. Ne ne, Sona-tan. I just found out something amazing!"

"Oneesama...what are you talking about?"

"Those meanies lied. He didn't die in the last battle. He just ran off to another place."

"...Who?" Sona finally asked after a lengthy pause.

"God!...kuuuu! Ouchie!"

And then she hunched over to clutch her head at the sudden spike of pain.

Sona had to sigh at that; she had a feeling that her sister's conclusion was wrong.

-o-o-o-

* * *

This? It's a one-shot that I've been writing on the side while the next chapter of Naruto the Combat Butler is in the works.

It's a shame, right? I mean, I'm the first fanfic writer to have a toad reverse summon Naruto into the HS DxD universe. Maybe someone else can take the idea and run with it. At the very least, this way you won't need Uchiha dimension breaking powers to send Naruto to another universe. That opens up possibilities, like sending a weaker Naruto without the nerf of busted chakra coils, locked/missing Kurama, etc.

Anyway, let's explain why I did what I did.

First, notice that the basis of this fic relies on one critical change: Instead of Sona being student council president, it's Rias.

Basically, I go with the idea that Rias decided to preempt Sona one day and stole the presidency of the Student Council. Afterwards, I believe that, as matter of pride, Sona would then form a club instead of joining the Student Council with her rival.

And that's how the Magical Girl research club is formed. Because Sona seeks to understand why her sister is the way she is. Let's just say she regrets forming the club herself. For a serious girl like her, Magical Girl research club is quite a silly concept in hindsight. Not only that, even after consulting the experts in the club she still can't fathom how her sister's mind works.

How would her club work? She runs it properly, but it's a bit conservative for a Magical Girl Research club. Especially after that one time where they had a Magical Girl cosplay event, Sona banned cosplay from the club. Of course, that may be because Rias somehow managed to procure snapshots of Sona in a magical girl outfit.

Rias, as you can see, also isn't happy with her role as StuCo President. But she's responsible enough to do her job diligently. Together with Akeno and the rest of her peerage, she bravely tackles the duties that come with the job. Like paperwork. Patrols. Discipline. Paperwork. Policies...did I forget to mention Paperwork?

It's too bad she happens to be really busy when Issei gets into trouble. This is the branching point between this oneshot and the originally-planned multi-chapter story. This is the first reason why I flipped Rias' and Sona's responsibilities. Rias is supposed to be distracted when Issei gets in trouble. The original goal was to leave a spot open in Rias' peerage to place Naruto into. This would be accomplished by taking the competitor out of the running. So Rias is distracted. Issei is stabbed. When she happens on Issei's body, Sona knows that Rias is currently distracted by her responsibilities. Understanding that Issei would be lost if she doesn't do anything soon, and motivated slightly by greed, Sona shoves her agreement with Rias under a rug and gains another pawn. Rias will be pissed, of course, but she's mature enough to understand that she wouldn't have made it in time.

However, since this is a one-shot, once we get to the branching point that premise goes straight out the window. In the interest of keeping things easy, we don't see Naruto fitting into a peerage. Instead, we see him kicking ass and TAKING damsels in distress...and...Issei dies. I like him, but the event helps push the story in the direction that I want. Which I'll discuss in a moment.

Anyway, back to the setting...

The ninja research club? That was a red herring. I wanted you to expect Naruto to enter the picture as a guest speaker. It was supposed to be a "ho hum" moment because it's such a blatant way to introduce Naruto. Rias' rejection afterwards was supposed to be a curveball that gets you wondering what laws of social interaction and reality Naruto would break to show up as a ninja research club guest speaker anyway.

Well, he doesn't. Because he'll show up in the Occult Research Club instead. Literally, in this case. The purpose of the red herrings were to deliberately send you down the wrong path so that the real scenario becomes that much more interesting.

I believe that I should stress that the Occult Research club in this universe is formed by students interested in the occult. Unlike canon, it's completely unrelated to Rias or Sona.

Now then, as part of their duties, the student council needs to check up on their fellow students from time to time. What better way to do so, than to patrol the school after classes?

As you may know, a fun activity in ORC's happens to be summoning the supernatural. Draw up a circle, make some sacrifice, pray to the gods...whatever.

What if it actually succeeds? In this situation, the patrolling devils will need to nip it in the bud and protect the students. Maybe even wipe the memories of anyone that is human.

If this were Sona, I have no doubt that she would handle the situation perfectly. And that's why we come to the second reason why Rias and Sona needed to be in each other's role. Rias...doesn't. Unlike Sona, who has Serafall, she's not used to an opponent that totally defies convention. You might argue that there is Sirzechs, but I would then demand that you compare Sirzechs and Serafall before asking who's wearing the magical girl costume. So bear with me as we return to the explanation: the situation quickly degenerates when the mini-toad demonstrates an incredible ability to avoid being killed. When they show no signs of stopping, the aggravated mini-toad threatens and then follows through on his threat to summon his big brother.

And that's when the hero finally shows up.

All of this could have been avoided if they just used the circle to send the toad back, right? However, you should keep in mind that complete amateurs somehow succeeded in making it work. That means that they messed up somewhere, since normal humans shouldn't have the ability to summon creatures. So which is easier? Getting rid of a tiny toad, or reverse engineering an ill-formed circle?

Anyway, the curb-stomp needs to happen. I don't think Naruto is going to be that reasonable when his opponents don't play along. After that...well, in this ONESHOT Naruto then leaves to find whatever it is that's piquing his interest.

After all, how else is an super-long life guy supposed to wile away his days?

This Naruto is a bit different from the usual immortal stories. Yes, there are stories where he's a super big pain in the ass and he doesn't mind taking villain roles. And yes, there are stories where he turns things on their head and makes the audience facepalm and question their sanity. However, unlike those stories, this Naruto truly isn't serious when he's flipping the situation around. I mean, he's not doing it to make his opponents underestimate him, he's just having fun. He seems remarkably similar to Zelretch actually...only not a vampire and he doesn't mind being in the middle of the action instead of outside watching.

Umm, the reason why I portray him this way is because I think that Naruto isn't the type to let a near-continuous stream of negative things encountered in his long life turn him into a super angsty emo. He's a fighter. I mean, look at his childhood then tell me whether or not he'd let unfair events bring him down. Sure it'd be a pain at first, what with how your friends are all disappearing with old age, but once he gets used to it he'll continue to remember them as he devotes himself toward finding ways to enjoy things while he's still alive.

As a sidenote, even if he doesn't get depressed over it, it would still make him really happy to see others that can live just as long as he does. Which is why he's really forgiving of Mittelt and her mischievous/evil/merciless tendencies.

So there are three reasons why I included the lengthy "Rescue of the Fallen Angel" scenario. Keep in mind that Issei had to be sacrificed to make this possible.  
1\. Based on how the story is arranged, it's true that any one of the Fallen Angels could have been Naruto's protection target. However, I'm the writer and Mittelt happens to be my favorite. She's cheeky, selfish, and arrogant. Those girls tend to have great reactions when you mess with them. Her Tsukkomi's, expressive emotions, and stupidly defiant attitude made her invaluable in keeping this story light-hearted. And she has like a 70% chance of dying or being forgotten in HighSchool DxD fanfics. It's pretty high compared to Raynare's 40% and Kalawarner's 50%. I wanted to add a chalk mark to the "somewhat charming heroine" side.  
2\. It created an excuse to demonstrate an additional change that appears in this universe as a result of Rias stealing the Student Council position. And that's showing the devils actually bringing the hammer down on the Fallen Angels. All that's needed is a plan and a proactive leader confident in her strategies. This wouldn't happen normally since Sona would be busy on student council matters, leaving Rias to handle the sweeping.  
3\. It extends Naruto's moment. You get to see something else about this universe's Naruto. Sure, he might not be as willing to interfere in others' conflicts, and he might be a bit colder when giving someone a chance, but he's not going to be heartless.

What else?

The part about sighing comes from D-Frag chapter 46.

Hmm...did you know that the "Half-Baked Maou" bit comes from "Maoyuu Maou Yuusha"? If you guessed "Half-Assed Nightmare" from that clue, you'd be right.

And that last fight with the Chuuni lines was adapted from a Touhou Doujin with Kokoro and Koishi and uh...mushrooms. Sad Kokoro is so cute.

If you want to know what Serafall looked like as Sona was going to Naruto, "Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun," Chapter 60. When Chiyo-chan turns miserable which is around page 8.

o-o-o-o-o

**Acknowledgements:**

**T-B-R** for pointing out that the double quotes were missing. It was worse than I thought, the smart quotes were eaten. Same with the apostrophe's. I've manually corrected them, and it should be okay now. I deeply apologize and I'll fix my text formatter to account for this in the future.

**RokuAnsatsu** \- Based on his review, added more description to the chess game section to make it easier to distinguish who's speaking.

o-o-o-o-o

**Thanks for reading.**

**Recommended Reads:**

"Kaleid Liner Lias' Pawn" by Lunar Wave. High School DxD x Fate/kaleid liner Prisma Illya (Fate/Stay Night). A story in which Illya is forced from a broken world and appears in the HSDxD universe. He's still a pervert, but you get to see a reliable side to Issei a lot earlier than normal. I also like how this story somehow manages to balance Illya's innocence with a difficult past.

"End Game Version R" by Kur0Kishi. Naruto x High School DxD. I like the newer version of this story over its previous incarnation. The original version revealed Naruto's strength early. This version manages to keep a lid on Naruto's strength and you just know that the Devils' eyebrows are going to continue going up and up as the story continues.

"Fate Revelation Online" by daniel-gudman. Fate/Stay night x Sword Art Online. What if Illya and Shiro were caught in a SAO with magic rules? It's an interesting take with lots of unique ideas due to how the story is arranged.

"Code Geass: The Prepared Rebellion V2" by SeerKing. Code Geass. A fun "what if" story that I found particularly interesting compared to the other entrants in its category. This Lelouch is prepared to get his hands dirty far earlier, and he's been working hard to prepare himself. The end result is that each major event so far ends in a surprisingly advantageous yet reasonable outcome.

"Zero Sum Game" by The Uncreative. Zero's Familiar x No Game No Life. Instead of Shiro and Sora, we have Louise becoming queen. How would it be possible if Louise has never won a game before? There are lots of interesting things appearing in this story, such as Louise's customized rules, Siesta's less-than-maidly attitude, and Tet's nonfiction novels.


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